


dream makes the sounds (that carry me so far away)

by kaleidoscopeminds



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Banter, California, Calum's aussie, Disney World & Disneyland, Drinking, Excessively Stupid Boys, Flirting, Las Vegas, Light Angst, Los Angeles, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, San Francisco, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, how many location tags can I put on this, just a little, luke is from London because I am me, mature tag for sexual content but it's not explicit, oh my god ashton genuinely isn't in this, too much sunset symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 13:06:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30106404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaleidoscopeminds/pseuds/kaleidoscopeminds
Summary: Luke looks up at him, mind going a million miles an hour, considering the proposition. This was fucking insane, he would be insane to agree to it. He could literally be murdered. By a fit-and-nice-but-possibly-a-murderer Australian man.Luke sighs and shakes his head, but he can’t help but smile. “I don’t know anything about you, I don’t even know your name, why would I get in a car with you for the next three weeks?”The man’s lips quirk up slowly, knowing Luke’s made up his mind.“We’ve got time for all of that,” he says, grin growing wider. He reaches his hand down to Luke. “I’m Calum.”Luke's just got to California, on a trip to get away from his life for a while. Calum might be there for the same reason. When a chance meeting pushes them together, Luke might get more out of the four-week road trip than he ever imagined.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Calum Hood
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	dream makes the sounds (that carry me so far away)

**Author's Note:**

> Ohhhh my god. Every time I start something it spirals into something out of my control I swear to god. So, two weeks ago Calum Hood posted [this](https://www.instagram.com/p/CL8XdoNDZfV/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link) on Instagram and immediately my (and half the 5sos writers) brain's went whirrrrrr road trip fic???? and exactly fourteen days and 37k later, here we are. 
> 
> My biggest thanks goes to [amanda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifewasradical/pseuds/lifewasradical) who has sat on this with me and been so incredibly encouraging and has listened to me go off on character motivations for the last two weeks, she is a gem and this fic absolutely would not have been written without her. Also everyone who endured me complaining about this (the lhfc. this fic is for you<3)
> 
> I did such a ridiculous amount of research for this but I'm English and have not been to California, and this whole thing is based loosely on a plan my friend and I had and a shit load of time on google maps, so please do excuse any errors

Luke takes a deep breath as the plane bumps onto the ground, sunlight shining through his window and getting in his eyes, bouncing off the runway and blinding him. He swallows heavily and one of his ears pop disgustingly as he flexes his sweaty hand around his phone and the baby across the aisle from him continues to scream. It hadn’t been the most relaxing of nine-hour flights, but it doesn’t matter because he’s here now, he made it, he’s still alive. He can start his trip, just him, leaving all his mess and baggage back in London, back under the heavy clouds where the sun never quite gets this bright.

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

“So it will be an extra twenty-two dollars a day sur-charge as you’re not twenty-five yet,” the man in the car hire booth tells Luke with a bored look. Luke’s struggled through passport control, baggage reclaim and customs and is now sweating profusely through his sweatshirt that he can’t take off because he’s got his rucksack on and things in his hands as he squints through the glass into the car-hire place.

“What?” Luke says confusedly.

“It’s an insurance thing,” the man says, raising his eyebrows. “So, for the twenty-eight days it will be an additional,” he presses some buttons on his calculator, “six hundred and sixteen dollars.”

Luke thinks he might start hyperventilating. He doesn’t have an extra six hundred dollars in his budget, he’s already scraping by with draining his savings for spending money, how could he have missed this? God, it’s so fucking typical of him to have fucked this up before he’s even started.

“I’m twenty-five next month?” he says hopefully, even though he knows this won’t help his case.

“Sorry, son,” the man says, not looking that sorry at all. “Those are the rules.”

“Okay, can you just give me a second?” Luke says, lifting his cap and pushing his hand through his sweaty curls before shoving it back on.

The man rolls his eyes and indicates to the side, so he can serve the guy standing behind Luke.

Luke kicks his bag across the ground and squats down next to the booth. 

Fuck. What was he going to do? He could make his trip shorter, reduce the cost for everything including the sur-charge? But no, he already has his flight home booked, that would cost him money to change. He wonders if he can survive with six hundred dollars less for the month, unlikely if he actually wants to eat and not sleep on the street.

God fucking dammit. Classic fucking Luke, can’t even travel successfully. He thinks back to his conversation with Michael, assuring him he could travel through California alone.

“Luke, you honestly don’t think you could survive for a month getting yourself through California,” he had scoffed.

“I’m not a child,” he had replied. “I’m an adult with a job.”

“Not right now,” Michael had pointed out.

“Well no,” Luke had said, kicking Michael’s shin. “But that’s by choice.”

“Why don’t you just join one of those planned trip thingies?” Michael had said. “Then you can go with a group.”

“I’m actively trying to do something on my own, Michael,” Luke had said. “You’re the one who tells me I need to be more independent.”

“I meant going to the cinema on your own once in a while!” Michael had said with a wild look in his eyes. “Not fucking off to America for a month on your own!”

“I’ll be fine,” Luke had said stubbornly. “I can look after myself.”

Luke sinks to the ground and tells himself he’s not going to faint with stress, that would be fucking stupid. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes until he sees stars and focuses hard on the feeling, the cold shaded tarmac underneath him and the sound of his breaths coming out of his mouth so he can stay in the present. He refuses to dissociate on the floor outside the San Francisco airport. 

“Hey, mate, you okay there?” Luke hears a voice from above his head. He looks up and squints in the sun, before focusing in on the guy who’s looking at him concernedly, the one who had been standing behind him in the queue to the car hire place. And promptly feels like he could pass out again. He’s absolutely gorgeous, he’s got a beanie on which is fucking ridiculous behaviour as its about a million degrees out here but Luke’s not complaining looking at the way his dark curls are poking out the front of it, he can’t see his eyes as they’re covered by some dark sunglasses, but he’s got perfect plush lips which are quirked up in a concerned smile. Luke’s eyes travel down the rest of him, a black t-shirt exposing tanned and tattooed arms, a rucksack on his back and a holdall clutched in one huge hand, passport, phone, wallet, some papers and a bottle of water all held in the other. Fucking hell. This was a really bad time to be having fantasies about hands. The worst. He lets his eyes drift down his black jogger-clad legs and end on his chequered vans which are laced loosely over his feet. Luke lets his eyes stay there. Safer for everyone involved. 

“Uh, yeah, thanks,” he murmurs.

“D’you want some water or something?” the man asks. Luke realises he also has an Australian accent and wants the ground to open up so this fit guy won’t see him here sweating on the floor for a minute longer.

“Actually, yeah, thanks,” Luke hears himself mumble, before looking up again at fit-and-nice Australian man. 

He grins wider and drops his holdall at his feet to pull off his sunglasses. Luke gets a look at his warm brown eyes which have crinkled in the wideness of his grin and wants to groan. The man passes Luke the bottle of water he had in his hand.

“Heard you having some issues,” he says lightly, indicating the car-rental booth as Luke opens the water and sips slowly.

Luke sighs noisily. “You could say that.”

“Didn’t check the age restrictions before you left, eh?” Australian man says with a small grin.

“Clearly not,” Luke says, recapping the water before putting his head in his hands again. “I’m a fucking idiot.”

“I mean, yeah,” he hears Australian man say, and he looks up to throw him a glare.

“Don’t fucking kick me when I’m down, mate, can’t you see I’m having a crisis here?” Luke says grouchily. Australian man might be fit and he might have given free water to Luke but it doesn't mean he can get away with being a twat.

“You said it not me,” he says with a glint in his eyes. “Sorry, I genuinely didn’t come over to be a cunt.”

“Why did you come over then,” Luke says childishly.

There’s a pause and Luke looks up to see Australian man almost nervously scratching the back of his neck.

“I have a proposition for you,” he says slowly.

“I’m not giving you a blowjob for money however fit you are,” Luke says without thinking, then blushes, hard.

Luckily, Australian man just lets out a startled laugh, his eyes squinting even more.

“No, that’s not it,” he says. “Were you planning on road tripping through Cali? Just you?”

“Yes?” Luke says suspiciously.

“Do you have places pre-booked to stay?” Australian man asks.

“No I was gonna figure it out on the way,” Luke responds, frowning. “Motels or Airbnb’s or whatever.”

“And you were planning to travel for a month right?”

“Yeah,” Luke says. “Sorry, but what’s this about?”

“Well,” Australian man starts. “I’m renting a car for the next three weeks to travel down California so I wondered whether… you might want to join me for a bit? I could drive and you could come along so you don’t have to rent the car yourself? At least not for the whole time?”

Luke looks up at him disbelievingly. What the fuck?

“What the fuck?” he says out loud.

“Okay hear me out,” the man says. “You can’t afford to rent the car on your own, I’m also travelling on my own, we can just see how it goes? Cut costs? You can bail whenever.”

“Is this the start of a horror film?” Luke asks. “Are you going to murder me?”

Calum laughs again. “You can say no,” he says. “I just thought, if you really want to see Cali, you could come along?”

“What do you get out of this?” Luke says suspiciously. He wants to say he’s not even entertaining the idea of getting in a car with this stranger, but that would be a flat out lie. He knows it’s ill-advised but also. The opportunity to actually have his trip? Potentially with a very fit guy? He’s only human.

“Well if we share the cost of renting the car then I can spend more on food. And booze,” Calum says, opening his hands. “Also I’ve been saying to everyone I’ll be fine, but three weeks with only myself for company is a worry. I’ll send myself insane.”

Luke looks up at him, mind going a million miles an hour, considering the proposition. This was fucking insane, he would be insane to agree to it. He could literally be murdered. By a fit-and-nice-but-possibly-a-murderer Australian man.

Luke sighs and shakes his head, but he can’t help but smile. “I don’t know anything about you, I don’t even know your name, why would I get in a car with you for the next three weeks?”

The man’s lips quirk up slowly, knowing Luke’s made up his mind.

“We’ve got time for all of that,” he says, grin growing wider. He reaches his hand down to Luke. “I’m Calum.” 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

“I guess we should get to know each other a little bit before we get in a car together?” Luke asks Calum. They’re sat at a sticky table at a shitty Starbucks and Luke is sucking down a horribly over-sweetened iced latte in an attempt to boost his blood sugar back up to something that will allow him to function.

“Oh, sure thing,” Calum says with a smile. “Well, I’m Calum, I’m twenty-five from Western Sydney, I’ve got a music degree and three years later I think I've finally got myself a real-life job that’s not bar work so I’m using my last couple of months of freedom to spend all my money and go see some shit.” 

Luke can’t help but smile at Calum’s disposition, he doesn’t want to describe it as sunny, but that’s exactly what it is; sunshiney, free and easy. 

“I’m Luke,” Luke starts after taking another sip of the sugary liquid in front of him. “Twenty-four as we previously discovered, from London. I’ve got a Literature degree but I’ve been a recruitment consultant for the past three years.”

“And what brings you to California, London Luke?” Calum asks.

“Bad breakup, quit the job that I hate, quarter-life crisis,” Luke says ruefully. Probably a little too much info for a stranger but there was no point in beating around the bush if they were going to spend a significant amount of time with each other in the near future.

Calum laughs, tipping his head back. “Very fair.” He looks at Luke, and Luke tries not to feel like he’s staring right through him. “So, running away from your problems?”

Luke shakes his head and thinks for a moment. “More like looking for myself again, whoever the fuck that is.” 

And oh. That’s probably the most truthful he’s been about the motivations for this trip, to an almost stranger in a shitty Starbucks. Calum doesn’t respond, just looks at him, with a not unkind look in his eyes, before nodding minutely. 

“Okay, so I’ll get the car rental and then we can figure out the rest of the shit on the way?” Calum asks Luke.

“Sounds good to me,” Luke replies, shrugging.

“Do we want to plan a route now or later?”

“Let's get into the city first,” Luke says carefully. He needs less time to back out. “Figure it out over some food?” 

He tries not to blush that that sounds a bit too much like he’s asking Calum on a date, but Calum doesn’t seem phased.

“Works for me,” he says easily. “How is that?” He indicates Luke’s drink.

“Disgusting,” Luke says brightly. “It’s like drinking syrup out of a bottle and it's three times the size it needs to be, want some?”

Calum reaches across and grabs Luke’s drink, drinking some thoughtfully, pausing, then taking another sip before nodding.

“That is fucking awful.”

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

_What the fuck Luke?_

“I knew you wouldn’t just let me do this,” Luke says, shuffling away from Calum who’s sorting out the car, throwing him an apologetic smile. He’d sent Michael a quick text to update him on his progress, off his newly purchased American SIM card, hoping that he wouldn’t question it. Which was stupid, of course, Michael would have something to say.

_Obviously fucking not, you can’t just decide to spend the next three weeks with a stranger!_

“But what else am I supposed to do?” Luke says, pitifully. “I fucked up Michael, like always, and this gives me the opportunity to not have to fucking just pay for a flight home like a loser.”

_I don’t like this at all, he could be dangerous, what if he’s planning to kidnap you or something?_

“Michael I know you’re looking out for me but I’m not a child, however much you all like to make me out to be”

_That’s not it Luke, I’m just worried._

“I know,” Luke sighs. “Just let me make this decision for myself. Calum’s nice, sometimes you have to trust people.

_You trust people too easily, Lukey._

“Don’t,” Luke says quietly. “Don’t bring him into this.”

_I’m not. I’m just saying you aren’t known for being the… best judge of people._

“I’m going now,” Luke says, hating how his voice wobbles a bit on the end of it. Honestly, fuck Michael for bringing it up again. 

_No don’t hang up on me, I’m sorry. I just— Just please be careful. If you’re going to do this then you have to text me every day._

“LikeI wasn’t going to do that anyway, fucker,” Luke says, sniffing slightly.

_Okay, fine, okay._

“I am actually going now, I’ll text you.”

_Okay, bye, and Luke?_

“Yeah?”

_Have some fun, please._

Luke laughs, “I’ll try.”

_Love you_

“Love you, bye.” 

Luke pockets his phone and shakes his head.

“Everything good?” Calum asks, cocking his head slightly at Luke

“Yeah, just my best mate, he thinks I’m insane,” Luke says, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, I should probably mention it to my sister, to be honest,” Calum says with a laugh. “Well we can get the car whenever, I was just going to change, then we can go?”

“Sounds good,” Luke says, slightly faintly. “I could do with putting something else on.”

They head into a bathroom and Luke closes himself into a stall, dropping the toilet lid and sitting on it for a second. He knows it's probably ridiculously gross but he needs a minute. He rips off his sweatshirt, putting his head between his knees and tries to tell himself that there’s no reason to hyperventilate after he’s already agreed to go with Calum.

His thoughts turn to what Michael said and naturally come to a screeching halt on _him_. Fuck. The way he was still fucking up his life five months later and five thousand miles away.

Dan had seemed perfectly nice at first. Luke had met him on a dating app, pretty much the only viable way of meeting people in London when you have a job that’s insane. He had been confident, charming, achingly charismatic. Everything that Luke thought he himself wasn’t, which probably should have been the first reason not to get involved with him. They’d got together quick, after only a few dates, but Luke maintained that it was right, he’d never felt this way about someone before, and he hadn’t. Hadn’t ever had someone pay him that much attention, to make him feel like he was the most important person in the world. Luke had never been the most important, youngest of three, middling to average in every class, a degree with nothing to come out of it and a boring job that he wasn’t very good at and tolerated on a good day. Dan had made him feel more than that, made him feel like something to be treasured, fancy meals out and lavish presents making Luke feel like he wasn’t missing the affection that should have come with it. It was there at the start, for sure, sex on the first date, insatiable after that, constant touching. But it morphed into something else, cold and distant. Dan pulled away the tighter Luke tried to hold onto him. That was before Dan had started cheating on him. Or maybe it wasn’t, the deception had gone on for so long Luke can’t make head or tail of what was real anymore.

Luke pulls his hat off and grabs handfuls of his hair. Get it together. This is what he’s here for, to forget about Dan, to do something for him. And he’d made this decision, to do this with Calum, the fit Australian who’d given him his water without a second thought.

He gets up as he hears the door further down bang, meaning Calum had left his stall. He digs around in the top layer of his bag to pull out a clean band T-shirt and finds his loose shorts, they would do for now whilst he was so hot, regardless of trying to impress Calum. He quickly changes, trying to not let his arms touch the walls too much, and shoves his hat back on his head, he knows his hair will be a nightmare.

He steps out to see Calum leaning up against a sink, in a pair of his own shorts and a T-shirt, looking at him with eyebrows raised. He’s ditched the beanie, his curls ruffled on his head and Luke wants to walk back into the stall and lock the door again after just looking at him.

“Took you long enough,” he says with a grin.

“I’ve got long limbs,” Luke says defensively. “There wasn’t a lot of space.”

“That you do,” Calum says with a long look up and down Luke, before smirking at him and bending to pick up his bag. “You good to go?”

“Think so,” Luke says, trying not to be nervous. Calum looks at him for a second, considering.

“This isn’t a binding agreement you know,” he says softly. He looks at Luke directly in the eye. “I will not be offended if at any point you wanna cut and go off on your own.”

And maybe it’s that, maybe it’s the warm look burning in Calum’s brown eyes, the kind smile playing around his lips and the pure honesty of his words that make Luke’s mind up for him.

“No, I’m in,” he says, with a confidence that surprises even him. “Let’s go, road trip buddy.”

“That sounds stupid in your accent,” Calum says with a laugh, surveying Luke once more before turning to exit the bathroom.

“What should I say instead?” Luke asks as he follows Calum out. “Road trip pal?”

“Better,” Calum says, turning around to throw him another splitting grin. 

They get to the car and Luke snorts loudly.

“Really?” he says, surveying the car.

“Look, we’re not doing a road trip down the Pacific Coast Highway without a convertible,” Calum says. “I’ll cover the extra don’t worry.”

Luke laughs and they go to get in, having a sufficiently confusing and ridiculous moment when they try to get into it the wrong side before throwing all their bags into the back They settle into a slightly awkward silence as Calum pulls out of the car park and carefully exits the airport.

“Hey, if you go through my bag I brought an aux cable with me,” Calum says. “I’d dig it out but I’ll be honest, driving on the wrong side of the road is kind of flipping me out right now.”

“No it’s fine I can get it, hang on,” Luke says and turns around to start rooting through Calum’s bag.

“Front pocket of the holdall.” He hears Calums say.

Luke digs around in there and his fingers grasp around what he thinks is the cord, pulling it out, and along with it, several loose condoms.

Luke snorts in surprise and he sees Calum’s eyes flick towards him slightly before refocusing on the road.

“What?” Calum asks.

Luke turns around and pushes the cable into the radio. “Big plans for this trip hm?”

“Big plans?”

“Or small plans who am I to say,” Luke says with a smirk, waving one of the condoms in front of Calum briefly.

Calum nearly chokes and turns a delightful shade of pink. Which makes him look even fitter if that’s possible. 

“I was just being prepared!” He protests, firmly keeping his eyes on the road.

“For what exactly?” Luke asks, smirking. “All the American girls throwing themselves at a fit Australian?”

“Not at all,” Calum says airily. “The American boys, however…”

Luke cackles and files _that_ information away for another time. When he’ll let himself think about it. (Someday far in the future when Calum is a distant memory perhaps.)

“That’s the second time you’ve called me fit,” Calum says lightly. “Just in case you were wondering.”

“Is it?” Luke says, looking very interestedly out the right side window. 

“Maybe I’ll be a hit with English boys too,” Calum says quietly.

Luke hits play on his specially curated road trip playlist instead of responding.

Twenty minutes later and they’re in the city, trying to find somewhere to park.

“I can’t do this,” Calum says, hands clutching the steering wheel as they get stuck in more traffic. “I can’t park.”

“What do you mean you can’t park?” Luke asks. He’d assumed Calum could, you know, actually drive.

“Not in a city like this, bloody hell, this is insane,” Calum says, his voice rising in stress. “I’m gonna have to parallel park on the street in all this traffic?”

“This is meant to be easier than LA,” Luke says, and Calum just turns his head to throw Luke a withering look.

“Okay sorry, hang on,” Luke pulls out his phone. “I think there’s a parking garage not far, how’s that?”

Calum nods stiffly and Luke directs him to the garage, only getting honked at twice more on the way.

Calum successfully navigates parking in the garage although Luke scoffs at him for turning into a space rather than reversing in.

“Nervous driver?” Luke asks as Calum turns the engine off, sighing in relief.

“I’m not,” Calum says, and Luke raises his eyebrows at him. “I’m genuinely not, I’m just not used to driving in cities I guess.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Luke says confidently. “By the time we’re in LA, you’ll be a pro.”

Calum groans and bangs his head against the steering wheel. “Maybe you’ll have to drive in LA.”

“I’m not insured on this car,” Luke reminds Calum and reaches out to carefully pat Calum on the shoulder.

“Maybe I’ll pay the extra money so I don’t have to drive,” Calum groans.

“We’ll figure that out when we get to it,” Luke says with a smile. He realises he’s left his hand on Calum’s shoulder and swiftly removes it, patting his pockets to make sure he’s got everything. “Food?”

“Food,” Calum agrees, lifting his head from the steering wheel. “I’m fucking starving and I want a massive burger.” 

They end up at an In-N-Out ten minutes from where they parked, and Luke wants to complain but also he can’t when the burger he’s shoving into his mouth tastes this good.

“Feels like I should be eating something more significant on my first night,” Luke says as he pauses for breath to sip his coke. 

“What are you talking about?” Calum says around a mouthful of fries. “I’m pretty sure In-N-Out is a West Coast institution. I think this is perfect.”

They eat in relative silence, but Luke doesn’t mind as he’s far too focused on filling his stomach to be fretting over whether it feels awkward or not.

“Okay, so for staying, do you wanna share somewhere or go solo?” Calum asks as he finishes, wiping his fingers on a paper napkin.

Luke thinks as he eats his way through his last fries. “Well, as we’re already travelling together it makes sense to stay in the same place, right?”

“I think so,” Calum says, pulling his phone out. “But don’t want you to think I’m coming on too strong.” He winks at Luke and Luke tries really hard not to blush.

“I’m not sharing a bed with you though,” he says firmly, rather than saying what he’s thinking, which is that he really does want to share a bed with Calum. 

Calum laughs. “Okay, deal. How long do we wanna stay in San Fran?”

“Four nights?” Luke asks. “Three full days I was thinking originally.”

“Sounds good to me, shall I look for somewhere we can stay?”

Luke nods and marvels over how easy travelling with Calum already seemed to be. Part of the reason he wanted to travel on his own was that he didn’t want to have to argue with someone over what to do or when (inevitable if you bring someone along like Michael), but so far so good with Calum, even though realistically this was only about two hours in.

“There’s an Airbnb just outside the main part of the city,” Calum says. “Ninety dollars a night, a bedroom and a sofa bed and we can get the train in? It’s available for the next four nights.”

“Let me see?” Luke asks and Calum hands him his phone. He scrolls through and it looks fine, split between the two of them would be reasonable and it's not too far. 

“Looks good,” Luke nods in agreement. 

“Okay let me see if I can book it,” Calum says.

They stay at the In-N-Out for a little while longer, Calum managing to secure the Airbnb after a short phone call with the owner.

“Right well we’ve got it but we can only get there after eight,” Calum says. “Shall we do some exploring?”

He looks at Luke with one of what Luke realises is his trademark face-splitting grins and Luke just smiles in return.

They spend the next couple of hours wandering along the waterfront, no particular destination or sight-seeing in mind. Luke gets to know Calum a bit more, exchanging a few stories about their upbringings. 

“I was convinced I was going to be in a band,” Calum says mournfully as they sit on a bench in the warm night, overlooking the bay. 

“Oh, me too mate,” Luke says with a laugh. “I had a Youtube channel for my tragic guitar covers and everything.”

“Fuck off,” Calum says, looking at Luke with a grin. “I am looking that up when we get to the Airbnb.”

“I deleted that channel many years ago,” Luke says, shaking his head. “Too embarrassing for words.”

“I’m jealous, I never could get the hang of the guitar properly,” Calum says. “I’m sure I would be a sick bass player though.”

“I could see it,” Luke says thoughtfully.

“Oh yeah?” Calum asks.

“Mm,” Luke hums. “You’ve got... Long fingers.” He coughs and turns red again. Fucking hell.

“Thanks for noticing,” Calum says, wiggling his eyebrows at Luke. “Playing bass isn’t all they're good for.”

Luke feels like his head’s going to explode it's so red. “Shut the fuck up.”

Calum laughs loudly and it feels something a bit like the warm breeze on Luke’s face. Luke stretches his legs out in front of him and sees Calum do the same, the sun’s not quite setting yet but it’s getting low enough in the sky to cast everything in a golden glow. He turns towards Calum, who’s closed his eyes, and watches the way the sun lights his skin, his eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks and highlighting the bow of his lips. Even being here with a complete stranger, severely jet-lagged and in desperate need of a shower, Luke feels the golden warmth seep through his skin and into his chest, making him feel like he can breathe properly for the first time in a long time. 

“Nearly time for us to go,” Luke says, breaking the silence. “I want to get ice cream.”

“Are you going to be requesting we do children's activities every day?” Calum says, blinking his eyes open before getting to his feet. “You’ll be saying you want to go to Disney next.”

Luke just smiles at him innocently. (Of course they’re going to Disney but Calum doesn’t have to know that yet.) 

Luke buys them both ice cream and Calum makes a note in his phone of that and the In-N-Out cost.

“This makes it feel like I’m paying off a debt,” Luke says as he eats his ice-cream. 

“You are,” Calum says. “Cost of the car rental and also for your bad ice cream choices.”

“I like strawberry,” Luke says defensively. 

“There were about thirty flavours and you went for strawberry,” Calum says. “That’s a crime.”

“I’ve decided I don’t want to do this with you anymore,” Luke says seriously, and he sees a flash of worry in Calum’s eyes before he notices that Luke is pressing his lips together to stop himself from laughing.

“You’re a little shit,” Calum says, shaking his head and laughing.

“We’ve only just met, you can’t say that about me,” Luke says, returning the grin as they walk back towards the garage. 

“Well, Luke Hemmings from London,” Calum says. “I think I might get to know you very well.” He pauses, looking at Luke. “And maybe you’ll get to know you too.”

Luke eats more ice cream so he doesn’t have to think about how to respond to that.

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

The Airbnb is basic but surprisingly nice; a simple apartment with a bedroom, a bathroom and a kitchen and living space altogether. Luke feels dead on his feet, it might be half-past eight in San Francisco but his body is telling him its three in the morning. Conversely, for Calum, it's the middle of the day, although he says that he still feels tired because of dodgy sleeping on the plane. Calum lets Luke shower first and Luke feels a hundred times better after he’s literally showered off his earlier anxiety. He quickly rubs a towel over his head and pulls on a hoodie and another pair of softer shorts before padding out to the living space again in socks.

Calum’s managed to pull out the sofa bed and locate some blankets and pillows for it, looking up when he sees Luke enter. He makes a delighted noise when he sees Luke, looking at the top of his head.

“What?” Luke says self-consciously.

“Your hair,” Calum says with a grin. “It’s so fluffy.”

Luke snorts and runs his hands through his curls. “I was gonna chop it all off before I came, but I chickened out in the end.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Calum says. “Now we’ll both have disaster curls on our heads for most of the trip.”

Luke laughs. 

“Okay I’m gonna shower and then we can discuss a plan for tomorrow?” Calum asks. “Don’t fall asleep before I get back.”

“I won’t,” Luke says.

Luke curls himself up in the centre of the sofa bed, he pulls a pillow underneath his head. He’s not going to fall asleep, just rest his eyes for a second whilst he waits for Calum. Just for a second.

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

Luke wakes up to blinding sunshine and is immediately incredibly confused about where he is. He wrestles underneath the blanket on top of him as adrenaline surges through him for a second before his brain catches up and he reaches out a hand to pat around for his phone. He groans and sits up, not being able to find it and blinks in the light, looking around him. He spots his phone plugged into the corner of the room, which he definitely doesn’t remember doing, and looks again at the blanket which he definitely didn’t have on him when he closed his eyes for a second. Just a second. 

There’s a scrap of paper on top of his phone which seems to have been ripped off a travel document of some sort:

_You fell asleep, you absolute traitor. Took me a fucking year to find your charger and then an adaptor plug in your bag, you’re welcome_

Luke laughs and presses his phone to check the time, it's six a.m., which makes sense because he fell asleep at fucking nine p.m. or something but isn’t ideal. Fuck he needs a coffee. He also has about ten messages from Michael.

_Hey, you didn’t text me last night, you get to your first place okay?_

_How’s Australian Calum, still nice?_

_Luke, please respond_

_Has Australian Calum killed you?_

_Has Australian Calum kidnapped you?_

_Is Australian Calum reading this right now whilst you’re hostage?_

Luke laughs and types out a quick response.

_Sorry Mikey I fell asleep, jet lag_

_I’m alive and not hostage_

_Australian Calum is still nice_

_Airbnb nice too, we’ll be here for 4 days_

He’s startled to see the bubbles that mean Michael’s typing immediately, but then realises it’s about 2 p.m. in London and Michael will definitely be on his phone instead of working right now.

_Thank fuck for that_

_No going to sleep without texting me again please_

_Can you send evidence that Australian Calum is a real person_

_I want a photo so I judge for myself the serial-killer vibes_

Luke laughs.

_He’s asleep right now but I’ll get right on that for you_

Luke makes his way into the kitchen area and tries to be quiet opening cupboards to look, doing well until he accidentally knocks a mug and it crashes onto the floor.

“Fuck, shit,” he murmurs, bending to pick it up. It’s not broken luckily, but he does hear stirring from the next room and looks suitably guilty when Calum shuffles in a moment later, squinting at him underneath his hair which is now everywhere and half plastered to his face.

“What the fuck are you playing at?” Calum says and Luke tries really hard not to be affected by Calum’s morning voice which is really fucking low. And sexy. Tries is the operative word here.

“I’m sorry,” Luke says, and he is. “I was coffee hunting.”

“Any luck?” Calum says, pushing a hand through his hair. Luke’s now realised that Calum is also shirtless, his morning brain so slow that it’s taken this long for his eyes to slide down to his chest. Which is very much on display, muscled and tattooed and almost glowing in the early sunlight streaming in through the kitchen windows. Luke quickly looks back up at Calum’s face, but he’s already got an eyebrow raised at Luke and Luke blushes.

“No,” Luke says and it sounds squeaky even to his own ears. He coughs loudly.

“Let’s go find some then,” Calum says, a small smile on his face. “Let me go put a shirt on.”

“You don’t have to,” Luke mumbles, but thankfully Calum has already disappeared back into his room.

They find a nice enough coffee shop a few minutes drive away and they sit opposite each other on a table just outside the front drinking coffee and looking out onto the early morning street.

“Okay so, what do we want to do whilst we’re here?” Calum asks Luke.

Luke smiles a little into his latte that without question their trip has become “them”, never a moment that they might think of now doing their own thing.

“Golden gate bridge, obviously,” Luke says.

“Obviously”, Calum says, making a note on his phone. “Alcatraz, too.”

“Of course,” Luke agrees. “Of course the murderer wants to see Alcatraz.”

Calum gasps in mock outrage. “I’ll have you know if I was actually a murderer I’ve had ample opportunity so far. Mainly when you fell asleep last night unprotected in an apartment with me.”

“Fair enough,” Luke says with a loud laugh. “No wonder Michael had sent me about fifty messages this morning to make sure I was still alive.” 

Calum smirks at him.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Luke says. “I’ve been instructed to take a photo of you to show Michael so he can judge your murderous vibes.”

“Okay hang on,” Calum says, shifting in his seat and running his fingers through his dishevelled curls. “Let me practice my nice Australian man look.”

He picks up his coffee and gives Luke a wide smile over the rim, squinting slightly in the sun.

Luke laughs and takes a photo, showing it to Calum. “How’s that?”

“My hair looks fucking shit,” Calum says. “So suitably non-threatening I suppose.

“Perfect,” Luke says, and sends the photo to Michael with _Calum’s best nice Australian man look._

“We were at Fisherman’s Wharf last night but I wanna see it properly,” Calum says, making another note on his phone.

“I want to eat sourdough bread,” Luke says. Calum looks up at him oddly. “What? San Fran is famous for it.”

“Is it?” Calum asks bemusedly.

“Yes,” Luke says, sipping his coffee. “Boudin Sourdough Bakery is in Fisherman’s Wharf and they bake sourdough from a mother culture first cultivated in the eighteen-hundreds.”

“I’ll add it to the list,” Calum says, looking at Luke with a fond smile playing on his lips. Luke blushes again and looks down into his coffee.

“How do you feel about hiking?” Calum asks.

“Medium,” Luke says. 

“How do you feel about biking?” Calum asks.

“Medium,” Luke says.

Calum laughs and Luke feels immeasurably pleased with the sound. He thinks that he’s never quite going to be used to the feeling of making Calum laugh even if he manages to do it every day for the next three weeks. 

“I want to go to Presidio Park, we can decide whether to hike or bike around it when we get there?”

“Works for me,” Luke shrugs. He might be persuaded to do more physical activity than originally planned if he can do it with Calum. He really needs to stop thinking this way.

“Oh and we definitely need to spend an afternoon doing the breweries,” Calum says, making another note.

“Now that I can get on board with,” Luke says, raising his coffee mug into the air. Calum grins at him and taps his flat white against it.

They’re just leaving the coffee shop when Luke gets a response from Michael.

_Fucking hell Australian Calum is fit_

_And exactly your type_

_Oh jesus this is not an issue that I had anticipated_

Luke types out a response when they get to the car, turning his screen away from Calum. 

_There’s no issue_

_Is he gay?_

_Yes, although I don’t see what that has to do with anything_

_Don’t fall for the fit Australian whilst you’re on a romantic road trip_

_I’m not going to, fuck off_

_this has Luke Hemmings romantic disaster written all over it_

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

They spend the next three days exploring San Francisco and Luke is in love with this city. He also realises about a day in that he has a definite thing for Calum, and it only grows every hour he spends in his presence. It’s a bad idea, a bad idea to fancy someone he’s only just met and has agreed provisionally to spend the next three weeks with, but he finds it hard to have a proper crisis about it, mainly because Calum is so _nice_ and they spend almost every hour laughing. It’s hard to have a crisis about anything when Calum is near him, to be honest. Calum is as easy going as Luke had first thought, not much bothering him (apart from city driving, apparently) and issues rolling off his back in a way Luke desperately wishes he could emulate. He’s not needlessly chatty which, if he’s honest, is a bit of a relief for Luke, happy for silences when they’re comfortable, whilst eating dinner or chilling on their phones at the end of the day. Sometimes Luke is slightly startled by just quite how much Calum seems to perceive, and wonders what he’s thinking when he spends a second too long looking at Luke or slips into silence with a thoughtful look on his face, but honestly Luke’s not sure they’re at a point where he can ask. They’ve only known each other for a few days. 

He texts Michael every night as promised, but tries to not talk too much about Calum when he does, he knows he’s ridiculously obvious when he’s got a thing for someone, and he really doesn’t need Michael telling him what a bad idea it is to fancy Calum, he can tell himself that. He hears Calum on the phone occasionally, but excuses himself to the bathroom or out the front of the Airbnb as he does so, out of politeness but also because he doesn’t want to know if Calum has mentioned him, or what he’s saying about him (he absolutely does, but he’s not really prepared to know). 

Luke thinks his favourite day is when they go to the Golden Gate Bridge on their last full day in San Fran before they start driving south. They planned to go in the afternoon to allow the fog to dissipate, and it's fairly late on by the time they manage to drive over, Calum cursing his way through the streets, still really uncomfortable in driving through the centre of the city. They find some space near a viewpoint and sit for a while, looking out as the sky starts to turn orange.

“I don’t want to leave San Francisco,” Luke says quietly, tucking his legs up and wrapping his arms around them to rest his chin on his knees. “I wanna live here.”

“But if we don’t leave, how will we see everything else?” Calum responds, and Luke represses a smile at the “we”. Calum is stretched out on the grass, resting on his elbows and looking the picture of relaxation with his sunglasses dangling off his nose and a lazy smile on his face.

“What if none of it lives up to this?” Luke asks, gesturing at the bridge, the wisps of fog finally dissipating and the sun peeking through the clouds to light everything up in the glow that seemed perpetual in this city. Luke realises that’s just it isn’t it, everything that Luke’s afraid of in moving forward and leaving his past behind. What if it’ll never be as good as it had felt before? What if he never feels as good as he had with a fucking piece of shit boyfriend who only lied to him? Luke runs his hands through his hair and looks out over the water. What if _that_ was the best it’s ever going to get?

“It might not live up to it,” Calum responds, after a pause turning his head to look at Luke. “But, then again, what if it’s even better?”

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

They leave San Fran the next morning, preparing to drive the first part of the Pacific Coast Highway. They’ve made a loose plan of where to stay, and have actually booked somewhere in Monterey for that night so they’re not as last minute like last time.

“We’re putting my playlist on this time,” Calum says after stowing their bags and taking the roof down on the car.

“What’s wrong with my playlist?” Luke asks grumpily as Calum hands him his phone.

“Nothing apart from we’ve only been listening to it for four days and I already know there’s too much Good Charlotte on it,” Calum says with a grin in Luke’s direction.

“Hey,” Luke says. “We’ve all got our things, let me guess what there’s too much of on yours, Oasis or something?”

Calum coughs embarrassedly and Luke scrolls through the playlist seeing, with delight, that he was in fact correct.

“Fuck off,” Calum says, pulling away as Luke plugs in Calum’s phone.

“Don’t look back in anger,” Luke says solemnly. 

Calum glares at Luke and turns up the volume dial. 

Luke doesn’t want to admit Calum was right to get the convertible or that this much Oasis is good but he can’t deny that the Pacific Coast Highway with the wind blowing his hair around his face and screaming along to Wonderwall does feel pretty good. He shakes his head as Calum accelerates even more and pulls his hair back into a little ponytail at the back of his head to stop it from getting quite so fucking tangled. He sees Calum flicking him looks as he does so.

“What?” Luke says over the sound of the wind, tucking escaping tendrils behind his ears.

“Your man bun,” Calum replies, turning back to the road and smirking.

“It’s your fault for getting the convertible,” Luke says.

“I like it,” Calum says, keeping his eyes on the road. “It’s cute.”

Luke just turns his head to smile out his own window. The last four days with Calum have felt like they’ve flown past, but also like they’ve lasted a lifetime. Living and breathing with someone makes you get to know them extremely fast but also like you don’t know them that well at all. Luke knows Calum’s sleeping habits, that he likes to drink coffee as soon as possible after he wakes up, that he always showers with music playing, that nothing seems to irritate him and he’s happy in silences; but he doesn’t know anything about what he’s thinking about in those silences, whether anything has ever bothered him or even basic stuff they haven’t got around to. Well, Luke supposes he can always attempt to knock something else off the list.

“Hey, do you have any siblings?” He asks, turning back towards Calum.

“Yeah, an older sister,” Calum says, and the sweetness of the smile that comes over his face lets Luke know how close they are without him needing to say it. “What about you?”

“Two older brothers,” Luke says.

“Hm yeah,” Calum says, “that tracks.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Luke says defensively.

“You’ve got little brother energy,” Calum says, smirking, but looking at the road.

“Fuck off.”

That was another thing he’s noticed about Calum, he’s prone to offering up small bits of information before deflecting off himself and asking Luke something. He seems much more comfortable discussing Luke than he does himself, and although Luke apparently has no qualms about revealing things about himself unnecessarily, it doesn’t mean he’s not interested in Calum and what makes him tick. Luke reckons he’s got time to figure Calum out, and he thinks it might be worth the effort. It’s a dangerous way to think but he already thinks Calum might be worth the effort. 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

“We can’t stop at every beach, Calum,” Luke says as Calum asks whether they can pull over again. “We’ve only been driving for half an hour.”

“But it's so gorgeous,” Calum pouts. 

“I get it, you’re Aussie, you love the ocean or whatever,” Luke says rolling his eyes. “But the whole fucking coast is beaches, we’ll never get anywhere.”

“Fine, but we’re stopping at Half Moon Bay,” Calum says firmly.

“Isn’t that only five minutes from here?” Luke says sceptically.

“Yes, and?” Calum says. “I’m ready to get some sand between my toes Luke, they’ve been sweating in shoes for too long.”

“You’re disgusting.”

Calum laughs. “Hope you’ve got your sunscreen, ghost boy.”

The temperature so far had been pretty temperate, a lot sunnier than the UK but not as hot as Luke had been expecting from California, although he supposes the worst is yet to come the further south they get. It’s fine to walk along the beach with shoes in hand, in a T-shirt and with his jeans rolled up so they can stand at the edge of the water. 

Luke watches the waves lap at his toes, the tide going in and out and the inevitability of it all strikes Luke. The water goes in and out, in and out, and as sure as it goes out, it will come in again. Luke wonders if all of this is a futile attempt, running away from his life when he only has to come back to it eventually, swimming against a tide that’s only going to wash him right back where he was before, in London with no clue what he’s doing. 

“You good?” He hears Calum ask him quietly from next to him.

“Yeah,” Luke says quickly, shaking his head and glancing at Calum. Calum’s looking at him with a thoughtful look in his eyes and Luke desperately wants to ask him what he’s thinking about. He doesn’t though.

“Okay,” Calum just says. “Shall we keep going?”

Luke nods, no harm in swimming against it for a bit longer. 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

Luke relents and lets them stop in Santa Cruz as they drive through, even he can’t resist the sight of the massive stretch of sand and the beach boardwalk calling their names. It feels noticeably warmer as they walk along towards the amusement park. 

“I’m surprised you want to stop here,” Luke says. “Isn’t this lumped in with your childish activities?”

“I can have fun,” Calum says.

“Be honest,” Luke says, with a sly grin, “are we only here because of your ridiculous collection of Santa Cruz clothing?”

“It’s not ridiculous,” Calum protests, but the effect is lost as he’s actually wearing a Santa Cruz tank top, which he seems to realise, frowning slightly. Luke just laughs loudly at him.

“I’ve decided I don’t want to do this with you anymore,” Calum says, but his serious tone is ruined by the mischievous glint in his eyes. “I think I’m gonna go on my own from now on.”

“What happens when one of us actually means that?” Luke snorts. “We’re never going to take each other seriously.”

“What do you mean when?” Calum says with a grin. “Nice to know you’re already planning the inevitable breakdown in our arrangement.”

“Just preparing you for the worst,” Luke says, before grabbing Calum’s wrist and tugging him towards a food place. “I want tacos.”

The original plan was to get to Monterey to spend the afternoon there, but Luke and Calum lose track of time in Santa Cruz a little, with a ridiculous round of mini-golf, playing games on the beach and spending entirely too much time in the arcade for two twenty-something-year-old men. Luke realises as they wander back to the car four hours later than planned, nose slightly sunburnt and fingers sticky from the doughnuts they’d shared, that he’s not sure if he can remember the last time he’d laughed so much in one afternoon. 

They get to Monterey as the sun is setting. The apartment here isn’t quite as nice as the one in San Francisco, but it's cheap and cheerful and it does the job for one night. This one doesn’t have a sofa bed but twin beds in a bedroom with just a bathroom and a little kitchenette attached.

“I feel like I’m on a school trip,” Luke laughs in the dark after they get into beds on either side of the room.

He hears Calum snort across from him. “Feel like we should be playing truth or dare?”

“Something like that.”

“If we play spin the bottle I might be persuaded to kiss you,” Calum says with a laugh.

“Shut up and go to sleep,” Luke says, smiling into his pillow.

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

The next few days pass in a whirlwind of sea and sand as Luke and Calum travel through Monterey Bay and Big Sur. Calum makes him surf with him, but even though Calum claims he’s not been that often, he’s still suspiciously good at staying upright whilst Luke spends most of his time underwater. They spend the majority of their time on the beach or wandering through woodland, and Luke can’t remember being this adventurous in his life before. 

Calum tells him more than once that his nose is going red, and Luke pretends to complain when he insists on putting suncream on his shoulders, when actually he’s relishing the opportunity to have Caum’s hands on him (and who wouldn’t, really).

“Wanna go play some more beach cricket later?” Calum asks throwing a ball towards Luke before opening the fridge. “I promise I won’t be a cheating Aussie, no sandpaper in sight.” 

“Not the first time I’ve been cheated on,” Luke says with a laugh that comes out entirely too bitter as he catches the ball before it hits his face.

Calum looks at him carefully. “The reason for your break-up?”

“I guess?” Luke says ruefully. “But it was over long before he started sleeping with my coworker, looking back.”

“He sounds like a cunt,” Calum says cheerfully, handing Luke a can of Sprite. 

Luke barks out a laugh, he can’t believe this is the time he’s having a conversation about his ex with Calum, at two p.m. after a morning of hiking through forests. “You’re not wrong. I was an idiot though.”

“How can you be the idiot if he cheated on you?”

“Signs,” Luke says, rolling his eyes. He pops open the can and throws himself back on the lumpy sofa. “The signs were there; I got with him so fast, none of my friends liked him, I barely ever saw him even though I basically lived at his place. He literally disappeared for nights with no explanation.”

Luke shakes his head at himself. He’d been over this so many times with Michael, but it was slightly different saying it out loud to an (almost) stranger, it made him sound even more stupid and naive than he had ever thought.

“Still think he’s the idiot if you ask me,” Calum says firmly, as he sits down on the sofa next to Luke. He lifts Luke’s legs out the way so he can sit, but just puts them in his lap, and Luke hides a smile in taking a sip from his can.

“You didn’t have to live through it,” Luke says. “I promise you, I was fucking stupid.”

“When did you break up?” Calum asks.

“January,” Luke says. “Then quit my job in April.”

“Big year for you eh?” Calum grins, playing with the cuff of Luke’s joggers.

“You could say that,” Luke sighs. “Now I’ve got to figure out what’s next.”

“There’s time for that,” Calum says with a smile. Luke thinks about asking Calum about his relationship history, or his career, or what’s led him to decide to travel through California alone, but before he can work out how to phrase it Calum stretches out and looks at Luke. “What do you want to do for dinner?”

“Whatever you want,” Luke says with a smile.

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

“I’ve got a suggestion for our next stop,” Calum says as they eat pizza on the beach. They still haven’t planned their trip fully, just the outline of places they want to make sure they go to, and the next few days before they’re planning to get to LA is loose. 

“Go on then,” Luke says.

“I think we should do a winery tour in Santa Maria,” Calum says. “It’s about two hours south from here.” 

“Didn’t have you down as a wine man,” Luke says, indicating Calum’s can of beer with his own.

“It’s cultural,” Calum says, taking a long drink from his can. “I love a tinny but you’ve got to be refined on occasion.” 

“Sounds like fun,” Luke says with a smirk, and it does. He thinks spending a whole day with Calum drinking wine in the Californian sunshine sounds ideal (although realistically he thinks spending a whole day with Calum doing anything is ideal for him at the moment). 

Spending a whole day with Calum drinking wine does turn out to pretty ideal. In that he’s drunk and Calum looks more gorgeous than ever in the beating sun with the backdrop of the Santa Maria vineyards. Everything is slightly fuzzy on the edges and slightly funnier than it was before, especially when Calum nudges him every time their guide says something particularly pretentious about the type of grape or the particular notes they’re supposed to be picking up in their tasting. They started the day off trying to be serious about the whole thing, but after the second time the guide calls the wine they’re drinking “soft and limpid”, they revert to being giggly teenagers, partially influenced by the amount of wine they’re sucking down in a very short amount of time. Luke sends a message around lunchtime to extend the stay in their apartment when it gets obvious that Calum will probably not be in a fit state to drive tomorrow.

It’s sometime in the afternoon when Luke becomes hyper-aware of the heat of Calum’s arm which keeps brushing against his, as they listen to the guide ramble on. He’s entirely too focused on the way Calum’s eyes scrunch up as he suppresses his laughs, the way his lips press against the glass and the look of his throat when he swallows. The day fizzes on Luke’s skin, heady and intoxicating, it feels cloying and sweet on his tongue, and Luke can’t keep track of whether it's Calum or the wine that’s having the effect on him, just that he wants to live in the feeling forever. 

They get an Uber back to their apartment later on and Calum opens another bottle of wine (entirely unnecessarily) as they sit outside the front of it on the steps, passing the bottle between them instead of digging any glasses out of the cupboards in the kitchen.

“I wanna live here,” Luke declares.

“You said that about San Francisco,” Calum says with a lazy grin. “And Big Sur I believe.”

“Maybe anywhere is better than London,” Luke says, taking another swig from the bottle.

“I thought you weren’t running away?” Calum asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m not,” Luke says childishly. “What’s your deal anyway, what are you running from?”

Luke’s surprised himself by asking, apparently all it needed was maybe three bottles of wine for him to get enough confidence to ask Calum an actual leading question.

Calum blinks at him a bit slowly, seeming surprised that Luke would actually ask as well. He looks like he’s going to say something, then snaps his mouth shut, turning to look out onto the street. Luke gives him a minute, watching the way the night breeze ruffles through his curls, lit by the streetlamp and the outdoor light from the apartment building, as Calum’s eyes gaze almost unseeingly towards the buildings opposite. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” Luke says quietly, having to break the silence. “I’m just being nosy.”

Calum laughs a little, soft and low before turning to look at Luke.

You probably deserve something from me, right?”

“Yes?” Luke asks as a question. Calum smiles slightly and pushes a hand through his hair before turning away again and taking a deep breath.

“I’ve been in love with my best friend for about twelve years,” Calum starts, voice barely louder than a murmur, and Luke tries to ignore the way those words make his stomach drop in an unpleasant way. “Or _was_ in love with, I think now, maybe.”

Luke just stays quiet, letting Calum figure out what he wants to say.

“It’s all so fucking stupid,” Calum says with a laugh, still gazing into the road. “He’s never been anything other than a friend, never gave me any indication that it would ever be any more than that, but for some reason, my head would not listen to reason.”

“Did you ever speak to him about it?” Luke asks quietly.

“Yeah,” Calum says with a bitter laugh. “A few months before I flew here, and about a week after he told me he was engaged.”

“Oh,” Luke says.

“Oh yeah,” Calum says grimly. “It wasn’t fair to him really, he’s been with her for years, but I couldn’t _not_ say anything.”

“How did he take it?” 

“About as well as anyone could expect,” Calum says. “He was confused but kind I suppose.”

He pauses. “Said he loved me more than anything, but not in that way.”

Luke’s heart aches for Calum in a way he wasn’t expecting on hearing that he’s in love with someone else. 

“Calum—”

“It’s okay,” Calum says with a small smile. “I think him saying that is maybe the only thing that would force me to find something else for me and actually let it go. So I started proper job-hunting rather than bumming around in bars and booked a trip to come here, the first time I’ve gone outside the country without my family or him.”

“Is he who you phone when you’re here?” Luke asks.

Calum shakes his head. “No, I’m actively trying to create some distance there.” He smiles a little. “I’m talking to my sister, Mali, my biggest cheerleader.”

He turns to Luke with a small smile. “So there you go, maybe I’m running too, maybe I’m trying to find myself along with you.”

Luke just wordlessly hands him back the bottle of wine before moving his hand to rest on Calum’s shoulder, squeezing slightly. Calum exhales and shifts slightly closer to Luke, swigging out of the bottle before giving Luke a long look. 

“Thank you for telling me,” Luke says quietly. He reaches up to push a curl back into place that’s fallen onto Calum’s forehead and gives Calum a smile. Calum shakes his head minutely. 

“What is it about you, London Luke?” Calum says softly, and he’s now so close to Luke that he can smell the wine on Calum’s breath. He watches the way Calum’s eyes flick from his eyes down to his lips and on instinct Luke leans forward slightly so Calum’s face is only an inch away.

There’s a long moment, heavy and warm even in the rapidly cooling night air, loaded with a million feelings not quite yet articulated between them. It hangs there as Luke looks at Calum.

The sound of a car starting a couple of streets over makes them both jump and Luke exhales shakily and scoots himself backwards, out of Calum’s warmth, dropping his hand and stuffing it underneath his leg. What was wrong with him? Calum just explicitly said he’s been in love with someone else and Luke was seconds away from kissing him? Why couldn’t he just keep a rein on his feelings for once and not let them ruin everything? He takes a deep breath and looks up at the sky instead of at Calum.

“We should probably go to bed,” Calum says quietly from next to him. 

Luke just nods and he hears Calum climb to his feet. He looks up to see him standing in front of Luke, offering him a hand and a soft smile on his face. Luke allows himself to be pulled to his feet by Calum’s warm grip and tries to get his own grip on himself. 

He lies in bed awake and texts Michael before he goes to sleep.

_Okay so you know how I keep saying there’s nothing going on between me and Calum_

_There may have been a thing_

_Not an actual thing_

_But I nearly kissed him tonight_

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

Luke wakes up hungover the next day to another string of messages. 

_Fucking hell_

_I saw this coming a mile off_

_You don’t stop talking about him ever_

_Wait what do you mean nearly?_

_Don’t ask_

_It was a bad idea_

_Why?_

_He told me he was in love with someone else_

_Jesus Christ what a mess_

Luke spends a lot of the morning recovering in their apartment before they drag themselves on a short drive to a local state park to have a walk around and eat a makeshift picnic. Neither of them mentions the night before, and Luke is grateful for it. Calum seems as sunshiney as before, another thing that seemed to have rolled off his back, and so Luke tries not to let it bother him either. He tries not to obsess over what happened with Calum or how he’s starting to feel about Calum but it’s proving increasingly difficult as he basically lives and breathes him at this point. He reminds himself that he’s only known him a week, although it feels like months when you’re in each others’ pockets.

They leave early on the next day to do the short drive to Santa Barbara, their last stop before LA. Luke’s still not quite used to the sight of the pacific ocean on his right as they speed along, the wind in his hair, the salty tang in his nose and the air filling up his lungs. He and Calum now have a collaborative playlist of theirs combined which they spent one quiet night in one of their apartments making, over a few beers and some pasta, and Luke thinks it's a five hundred song work of art if he does say so himself. 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

LA is absolutely crazy. Everyone had told Luke before he got here that LA was the worst part of a trip through California, but he and Calum had agreed that there was so much they both wanted to see whilst they were there it was worth booking somewhere for a good few days so they could get around everything they wanted. Traffic wise, it is terrible though. When they’re driving through it to find their apartment Luke thinks Calum might be about to have an aneurism, he’s not sure he’s ever seen him this stressed. His hands are white-knuckled on the steering wheel as they inch forward in traffic.

“You’ve got this Cal,” Luke says encouragingly as he watches Calum warily, clenching his jaw in a way which Luke tries really hard not to find sexy in a moment like this which is decidedly _not_ sexy. He’s also not sure where the nickname has come from but that’s another thing he’s not going to think of right now.

“There are so many cars,” Calum says tightly.

“Yes, we are on a road,” Luke says before he can stop himself.

Calum throws him a glare but Luke can see his lip twitch slightly and grins innocently back at him. 

“I’m serious, if we’re gonna stay here for five days, you have to get insured on driving this,” Calum says, focusing back on the road. “Unless you want me to burst a blood vessel or something.” 

“We are not spending a hundred dollars just so I can drive you around LA,” Luke says.

“I will spend a hundred dollars for you to drive me around LA,” Calum says, reaching out and wiping his hand on Luke’s where it’s resting on his leg. “Do you feel that?”

“That’s fucking disgusting,” Luke yelps as Calum’s sweaty palm drags along the back of his hand.

“Exactly,” Calum says, re-gripping the steering wheel tightly. “Do you want me to live like this?”

“Fine, I’ll do it,” Luke says laughing. “Get us to the Airbnb and we’ll figure out how to get me able to drive.”

Calum visibly relaxes at the prospect of not having to drive through the city again and Luke grins even as they get honked at again and Calum swears loudly. 

Luke dutifully texts Michael when he gets to the Airbnb, thinking he might actually see it as it's about midnight in London by the time they get there.

_At our LA Airbnb_

Sure enough, he gets a quick response.

_Good_

_How are you_

_How’s the crush on the Australian going_

_I’m good_

_Calum’s getting fitter by the day I think_

_Crush not going well_

_How did I ever predict this_

_Please don’t do anything stupid_

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

“Luke, fucking hell, please stay on the right side of the road,” Calum says, gripping the door tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Luke says, jerking the wheel back again. “I’m just getting used to it.”

“This is meant to be bringing down my blood pressure,” Calum says, wincing as a car gets close to them again.

“You’re making it worse,” Luke says. “Stop moving around so much.”

“I’m trying not to die,” Calum says.

“Shut the fuck up,” Luke says as he turns onto the street indicated on Google Maps on Luke’s phone. “I’m gonna park just up here.”

“Fine, please, just make it stop.”

Luke gives him the biggest glare he can muster before executing what he thinks is the most perfect parallel park ever seen, and turns the engine off with a flourish.

“Okay so that parking was good,” Calum says, flexing his fingers. “But it does not forgive the abomination of what you put me through before that.”

“Well you’ve got two options,” Luke says as he clambers out of the car. “I drive us back or you drive us back.”

He waits for Calum to get out and join him on the pavement.

“You can,” Calum says grumpily. 

“That’s what I thought,” Luke says smugly. “Now let's go get coffee.” 

“There’s a gig in a couple of nights at the Troubadour,” Calum says as they drink their coffees outside the front of the cafe. “Fancy it?”

“Who’s playing?” Luke asks. He can’t quite believe that he’s ended up with a travel partner and that they actually do things together and spend every moment together. It’s nearly two weeks in and Luke can’t remember ever spending this much time with anyone short of his family. He never spent this long with Dan, he’d always make an excuse why they couldn’t go away together or why Luke couldn’t spend more than a couple of nights staying at his flat, which looking back is just reminding Luke of how stupid he’d been when it came to him, all over again.

“A band I haven’t heard of,” Calum says. “But one of my friends sent me the link and said I might like it.”

“Sure, I’m in,” Luke says shrugging.

“Yeah?” Calum says with a smile, like he’s surprised that Luke’s agreed to come along. 

“Sounds fun,” Luke says. “Let’s go on a night out in LA.”

“We could go on a night out in LA any of the nights we’re here you know,” Calum says.

“And miss out on a night playing cards and drinking beer in our Airbnb?” Luke asks, referring to what had become their nightly custom during their trip after long days of hiking and exploring. A couple of nights they’d gone to bars, but they’d ended up leaving fairly early to curl up on various lumpy sofas and tiny sofa beds. “Not likely.” 

Calum grins at him and ducks his head slightly. Luke watches the way some rogue curls flop onto his forehead and tries to fight the way it makes him feel. Two weeks was even worse than how quickly he threw himself into what happened with him and Dan, and Calum was in love with someone else; making falling for Calum altogether possibly the stupidest thing he could let himself do. 

But then Calum looks up at him again, his brown eyes sparkling at him as a smile plays over his lips, and Luke is unable to stop the way his heart thumps in his chest, not a skip or a flutter but a beat stronger than ever, solid and concrete, sending warmth down his veins. And Luke lets himself trip again. 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

They spend the next two days hiking to the Hollywood sign, going to Santa Monica beach, shopping and visiting the museums, everything a self-respecting tourist in LA would do, and Luke enjoys himself, despite what everyone else had said about Los Angeles. He can’t deny that it doesn’t hold quite the same magic as San Francisco did as a city but he doesn’t regret them deciding to spend so many days here. 

It’s their fourth night when they head to the Troubadour and Luke takes the opportunity to break out his leather trousers, having had absolutely no reason to wear them before now but not wanting to waste a reason to put them on. He wears a black shirt and puts some of his jewellery on before taming his hair a little and taking a stupid selfie in the mirror, uploading it to his Instagram story. Michael replies to it almost instantaneously, so fast that Luke wonders whether he’s got him on notifications.

_The leather trousers? Are you trying to pull Australian calum tonight or something?_

For once he decides to ignore Michael and heads out to meet Calum in the living space of their LA Airbnb.

Calum’s sipping on a beer and seems to choke a bit when Luke appears, swallowing loudly, and Luke watches his eyes flick up and down him with a small amount of satisfaction.

He’s not going to lie, Calum himself looks fucking good, black jeans and a white striped shirt unbuttoned low enough to see Calum’s tattoos on his chest, and sleeves rolled up to see the ones on his wrists and his hair clearly has some product in to make it curl into perfect ringlets on top of his head. 

“You look nice,” Calum says, and then coughs.

Luke smiles, big and wide. “So do you,” he says, “shall I order an Uber then?”

Calum just nods as Luke watches his eyes slide down to his legs again. Luke presses his lips together to quell his smile. The leather trousers never fail.

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

Luke’s not sure what it is about tonight (maybe the leather trousers) but the tension between him and Calum seems to have been dialled up to a thousand. They’ve spent the last two weeks constantly in each other’s presence, but it’s never quite been like this. They go to a bar around the corner from the Troubadour for some drinks before the gig, and Luke feels Calum’s hand come to rest lightly at the small of his back, slipping underneath his leather jacket as Luke orders them drinks, like he can’t help but reach out and touch. Luke feels the warmth of Calum’s hand seep through his shirt to his skin, the heat spreading from his stretched fingers up Luke’s back and Luke tries to temper his body’s reaction to shiver. He flicks his eyes to Calum after he’s ordered them both a beer and Calum isn’t looking at him, just surveying the bar, but there’s a small smile across his lips and his eyes are warm in the low lighting.

“Watch it,” Luke says with a grin. “People might think you’re taking me out on a date or something, road-trip pal.”

Calum looks at him and raises an eyebrow. “Is this not what this is?” He says in a tone that Luke can’t decide is sarcastic or not.

Luke lets out a shaky laugh and has to look away from the warmth of Calum’s eyes. What the fuck does that mean? As usual, he chickens out of asking Calum as he watches him pick up their drinks and head towards the back of the room. He dithers for a second at the bar before Calum turns back towards him. 

“You coming, Leather Luke?” he asks and winks at him.

Luke blushes red and follows Calum. If he thought he had a thing for Calum before it’s nothing when Calum actively flirts with him. For fuck’s sake. 

They sit in a corner booth towards the back of the bar and Calum slides himself so he’s almost next to Luke, stretching out his legs so he can hook a foot around Luke’s ankle and Luke shakes his head at him, pressing his lips together to stop a grin. Calum just smiles at him innocently and takes a sip of his drink. 

“Do you often go to gigs?” Luke asks him, taking a sip of his own drink.

“In Sydney?” Calum asks. “Yeah, all the time. I worked in a bar that was also a live music venue so I saw a lot for free, too.”

“That’s fucking cool,” Luke says. “Live music is one of the best things about living in London, to be honest.”

“Yeah?” Calum asks with a strange look which Luke doesn’t really understand. “What else is good about London? You’ve only bitched about it so far.”

“I don’t bitch,” Luke protests. “And I love London despite what I say, you’ve never been?”

“Hadn’t left Oz before this,” Calum says. “Go on, sell London to me.”

Luke laughs and takes a drink before putting his chin in his hand and thinking.

“It’s hard to explain,” Luke says. “It’s busy and dirty and grey and everyone’s always in a rush. Everyone hates their job but it's all they do.”

“I said sell it to me,” Calum says with a grin. “That sounds like shit.”

“I’m getting there, fuck off,” Luke says, elbowing Calum in the ribs. “It’s hard to explain because you can’t really explain it. It's the restaurant you find in an alleyway that you didn’t know existed that has the best Lebanese food you’ve ever had, it's the people you accidentally become friends with on a night out and end up back in their flat to then never see again, its the band you happen to see in the pub you’re at when you didn’t know there was going to be any live music. It’s going to a park on your lunch break and sitting amongst everyone and the pigeons and running back to the office when it starts raining. It's all your friends being in the same city and making tube trips late at night to see them. It’s sitting on the rooftop of someone’s block of flats at two in the morning chatting absolute shit and looking out over the city.”

Luke pauses, almost coming to a realisation there and then in this too-fancy bar in Los Angeles with a not-really-a-stranger-anymore. “It’s having everything going tits up and still knowing it’s home. It’s where you belong.”

He looks at Calum who’s looking back at him like always, a half-smile on his lips and a glimmer in his eyes. 

“What,” Luke says self-consciously, brushing a hand through his hair.

Calum reaches out to untuck Luke’s collar where it is curled under. “I think you might have decided to stop running.”

Luke represses another shiver at Calum’s fingers barely brushing his neck. “I think you might be right.”

Calum grins at him.

“So have I persuaded you to take a trip to London sometime?” Luke asks cheekily.

“I might be thinking about it,” Calum says with a smirk, with another strange look in his eyes that Luke can’t decipher. 

“I might know somewhere you can stay,” Luke says, he knows its a bad idea to flirt back with Calum but something about the way Calum is looking at him tonight makes him want to forget about all the reasons he knows he shouldn’t do exactly what he’s doing. 

“I’ll bear that in mind,” Calum says, quirking his lip. His eyes flick down to Luke’s hands. “I haven’t seen you wear jewellery before.”

“It seemed like a bad idea when we were spending most of our time in the sea,” Luke says, twisting one of his rings around his finger.

“They suit you,” Calum says, and he runs one of his long fingers over the rings on Luke’s own hands. “This suits you too.” He reaches up to the chain around Luke’s neck, brushing against the skin there again before holding onto the chain and giving it a light tug. He drops his hand and gives Luke another smile. 

Luke thinks he might have stopped breathing for a second with Calum’s hands on his neck, skin rough and warm but his touch so light. Fucking hell, Luke’s thing for Calum’s hands had not gone away, and had very much got worse when they were actually touching him. 

He realises that he’s just sat blinking and quickly picks his drink up to take a sip, hearing Calum snigger quietly next to him. Luke decides he’s suddenly very interested in the last inch of his beer.

“We should go soon,” Luke says after seeing off the rest of his drink. “Hurry up.”

Calum pours the rest of his pint down his throat in a scarily fast way and Luke throws him a look.

“I’m not going to be out-drunk by a Pommie, thank you very much,” Calum says, getting to his feet. “Come on then.”

He offers his hand to Luke which Luke takes, and allows himself to be pulled out of the booth. Calum keeps his grip on Luke’s hand a second too long, sweeping his thumb along Luke’s knuckles before letting go, turning to leave the bar. Luke shakes his head and follows him.

In hindsight agreeing to go to the gig with Calum was a bad idea. Not because the band is bad, they’re actually very good and Luke makes a mental note to add them to the road-trip playlist tomorrow, but because it means spending several hours in a dark room with Calum almost pressed against him in the crowd of people. They pick a spot to the side not too far from the front, and there are enough people that the space fills up fairly quickly. Luke swears Calum might be standing closer than he strictly needs to, and he can feel the length of his body on his back as he’s stood just slightly behind him, his hot breath on his neck and his hand brushing the back of his thigh every now and again. 

The band finishes and Luke feels far drunker than he actually is, energy coursing through his veins from Calum’s casual touch. Nothing has actually happened but he feels like if someone struck a match near them the spark would be impossible to contain, and when Calum asks him if he wants to go to a club where there’s a supposed after-party he agrees immediately, happy to extend whatever feeling is happening here for as long as he can. 

It’s possibly even worse when they get there. Calum swipes a drip of tequila off Luke’s lip with his finger after they do a shot, and then sucks it into his own mouth with a grin, before leading him onto the dancefloor with one of his sure and warm grips on Luke’s hand. 

They don’t exactly dance with each other, just next to each other, but Calum reaches out to touch Luke’s hip, shoulder, arm as they move under the lights, casting coloured shadows on Calum’s face, his eyes sparkling back at him. The building energy between them is suddenly too much for Luke and he reaches out to grip Calum’s waist, pulling him into his space. Calum goes easily, stepping towards Luke, and Luke plucks the drink out of his hand, finishing it for him before stepping to the side for a second to put it down on a table and coming back to Calum. He squeezes Calum’s waist, feeling the muscle move underneath his hand and steps even closer, the bodies moving around him feeling like waves lapping at the two of them as they float in the sea of flashing lights and shadowy darkness. 

Calum looks up at him, the slight height difference between them only noticeable now they’re toe to toe, and Luke thinks he can make out every fleck of brown in Calum’s eyes, every hair in his eyebrow and the way his sharp jaw flexes.

“You smell like tequila,” Calum murmurs across Luke’s lips, hooking a finger into one of the belt loops on Luke’s trousers. Luke watches the way Calum’s lips wrap around those words and slides a hand up around the back of Calum’s head, fingers scratching through the hair at the nape of his neck. Calum’s other hand slips around Luke’s waist and down to the small of his back again, fingers pressing into Luke’s skin. Luke takes a long look at Calum, who’s looking back at him with an intensity that he’s not seen before, as his eyes slide shut. 

He’s less than an inch away from Calum’s mouth when his brain catches up and he blinks his eyes open again. 

What the fuck was he doing? He can’t kiss Calum, he can’t get with the man he’s travelling with, the one who is literally in love with someone else?

He steps back suddenly, almost treading on someone else’s toe in the process, and jerking out of Calum’s grip.

Luke, what—?” Calum says, eyes blinking at him in confusion. 

“I’m just gonna go outside for a sec,” Luke squeaks before slipping through the crowd to get to the back door leading out into the outside bar area.

Fucking _hell._

He sits on a bench along one side and breathes the slightly cooler air deeply, as his heart goes at a hundred miles an hour. This is exactly what Michael and all of his other friends talk about when they say Luke falls too hard, makes moves too soon. He was being so fucking _stupid_. 

He doesn’t have time to think about just how stupid though because Calum appears after him a moment later, a frown on his face that Luke fucking hates knowing he’s the cause of. He needs to get it together and stop messing around before this makes things weird between the two of them.

“Luke, what the hell?” Calum asks as he gets to Luke. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Luke tries for nonchalant. “Just needed some air, think I might head off soon actually.”

“What?” Calum frowns again. “What are you talking about?”

“Think I’m gonna head back to the Airbnb,” Luke says. “You can stay here though.”

“You... want me to stay here?” Calum says confusedly, brow furrowing. Luke aches to reach out and smooth it out. “Luke, come on.”

“I’m gonna go,” Luke says.

“I’ll come with you then,” Calum says shrugging. “No point staying without you.”

“No, stay,” Luke says. “I want to be on my own for once, please.”

Calum steps back slightly like Luke’s hit him rather than said anything, and Luke wants to recoil himself knowing he’s the one who’s done it, but not able to pull the words back inside his mouth.

“Fine,” Calum says quietly after a moment. “Maybe see you later then.” 

He pauses for a second like he’s waiting for Luke to say something, and Luke has a million things on the tip of his tongue, apologies, confessions and everything in between, but nothing comes out and he just shuts his mouth with a snap.

Calum shakes his head and disappears back into the crowd, melting away as if he’d never been there at all.

Luke orders an Uber with shaking hands and leaves the club, crouching on the pavement outside. He’d done what he felt he was supposed to do, he’d pulled away instead of jumping into something with someone who’s not right for him, in not the right time or place, but he’s having a hard time convincing himself of this when it feels so wrong leaving Calum behind. 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

Luke is jerked awake from an uneasy sleep a few hours later when he hears someone fumbling to get in the door, and tries to stop the adrenaline coursing around his body by reminding himself that he’s probably not being robbed. He shuffles around in the bed and finds his phone, squinting at the screen, and sees it’s nearly three a.m., Luke having left the club about three hours earlier. He left the key for the apartment underneath the doormat outside and text Calum to let him know, not getting a response. But Luke can hear giggling outside now and with a sick feeling realises he can hear someone else’s voice too. A man’s voice that he doesn’t recognise. 

Calum’s brought someone else back. 

Luke squeezes his eyes shut, like that will close his ears as well, as he hears Calum stumble through the door, accompanied by another set of footsteps and a low voice laughing that Luke knows isn’t Calum’s.

“Shush,” he hears Calum whisper through giggles. “My… friend is in the other room.”

Luke grits his teeth at Calum’s pause before the word friend. Calum’s slurring in a way that Luke’s only heard once before, that night after the vineyard when they’d nearly kissed the first time.

This was not happening to him right now. It wasn’t.

“We’ll have to be quiet then won’t we,” the other voice says and Luke’s stomach rolls with the clear intention in it. He hears Calum laugh again, soft giggling in a way that Luke can easily picture the way Calum’s eyes will crease up alongside it. He hears the door to Calum’s room open and close, and Luke almost snorts at this being one of the only times they’ve had separate rooms on the trip, or at least two bedrooms rather than a sofa bed in the living space. He wonders bitterly whether that’s been the only thing stopping Calum from doing this before with all those condoms in his bag. 

Luke knows he has no claim over Calum, that he basically rejected him earlier after flirting with him all evening, but fuck this is not what he wanted. He wrestles with what he actually does want, but he doesn't _know_ , just that he’d rather be anywhere than lying on his own in a room fifteen feet away from Calum who’s probably having sex with another man. 

He rolls over and grabs his earphones from his rucksack by the bed, stuffing them in his ears and putting a supposedly soothing playlist on before pulling a pillow over his head. 

He wakes up early, body rousing him from a restless sleep just as the sun starts slipping around the blind and stealing its way into the room Luke’s sleeping in. Luke gets up immediately, not wanting to stay in the apartment any longer than necessary, pulls on his converse without lacing them and a hoodie and leaves the room. He tiptoes silently through the living room quickly, grabbing the car keys off the coffee table, not wanting to alert anyone to his presence and slips out of the front door, letting it swing closed behind him. He gets into the car and starts driving before he can really think about where he’s going and ends up at the coffee shop a few streets away that he and Calum have come to every morning since they’d got to LA four days ago. He sits out the front in the early sun, hands wrapping around his overpriced latte, and for the first time since he left London, he wishes he could drink a proper cup of English tea. For the first time maybe he’s missing home a little bit. 

He sighs and opens his phone to text Michael.

_Nearly kissed Calum again_

_Panicked and left him in a club in the middle of LA_

_He then brought someone else back with him_

_Fucking hell, every time I get a text from you it gets worse_

_You’re so messy_

_Why didn’t you kiss him?_

_Because you keep telling me not to do shit like this_

_This is exactly what you meant_

_No its not_

_Look, I know I’ve been giving you shit, but it sounds to me like you like this guy_

_You’re only away with him for a couple more weeks, have you thought maybe you should be making the most of it?_

_You’re not helping_

_Remember that he’s in love with someone else_

_It doesn’t sound like he’s in love with someone else if he pulled a randomer_

_Again, that’s not helping_

He sighs and runs his hands through his slightly greasy hair which is drooping sadly onto his forehead. What was he going to do? Michael didn’t understand, he knew he liked Calum, that much was obvious by the way he felt like his insides had been pulled out of his mouth at the thought of him sleeping with someone else, but he’d been the one to drive him to do that. Or maybe Calum hadn’t been flirting with him because of _him_ , but because he’d seen it as an opportunity to get a quick fuck, a holiday fling until something easier had come along. The thought of that leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He can’t just “make the most of it”. Maybe he should bite the bullet and stop travelling with Calum, it was clearly not doing him any good at this point. He was half-way into his trip, he might be able to afford the extra for the rest, having saved money by splitting everything with Calum so far. And Calum was due to fly back in a week anyway, he’d have to start heading north again soon, it made sense to split off now. But Luke doesn’t want to travel the rest of California on his own. He wants to do it with Calum. 

His phone starts buzzing on the table, and Luke checks it to see Calum calling him. It was a strange sight in itself, Calum hadn’t had any cause to call him before now because they spent every waking moment in each other’s presence. Luke massages his temples as he watches his phone ring and ring, buzzing obnoxiously on the table, but he makes no moves to pick it up. He doesn’t know what he’s going to say. It rings off eventually, before starting back up again. 

This time Luke cancels it and flips his phone over, face down on the table as he sips his coffee. He flexes his fingers around the mug, scratching his thumb against the skin next to one of his rings that he’s still wearing from last night and resolutely looks towards the road rather than at his phone. He lasts one more minute before turning his phone back over and seeing he has a voicemail from Calum. He lifts his phone back up and gingerly presses play. 

_Luke, hey it’s Calum. Fuck, you know that this isn’t the nineteen-eighties. Um, can we talk? Or where are you? I... ugh, fucking hell. I’m sorry, and I’ll apologise properly but I need to talk to you. Or if you don’t want to do that could you at least bring back the car? I’m kind of stuck without it. Okay just… give me a call. Bye._

Luke sighs again and takes a deep breath of morning air before typing out a message to Calum

_I’m coming back now, see you in ten_

He downs the rest of his latte and stands up to leave, pausing for a minute and going back to buy Calum a flat white before leaving and getting back into the car. He doesn’t want to ask himself why. 

By the time he’s got back to their apartment and opens the front door, he can hear Calum talking. Luke feels sick at the prospect that it might be the guy from last night, but he can’t hear any response so ascertains that Calum’s actually just on the phone.

“I _know_ Mali,” he says in a frustrated voice.

“I know I’m a fucking idiot, you don’t need to tell me.”

“I’m not going to tell him now, he clearly doesn’t want anything with me.”

Luke closes the front door noisily to alert Calum to his presence, trying not to think too hard about what Calum’s words might mean. Was he talking about the guy he pulled last night?

Calum tentatively comes into the main living space at the sound of Luke entering and gives him a small smile. 

“He’s not… still here is he?” Luke asks, looking around the room like the mystery man is going to leap out of a room unexpectedly.

“No,” Calum says quickly, shaking his head. “He left ages ago before you left this morning.”

“Ah,” Luke says, not sure how he’s supposed to process that information. “I, uh, got you a coffee.”

He lifts the cup in his hand unnecessarily and Calum blinks at him in surprise.

“Thank you?” Calum asks like it's a question. “Uh, what did you get me?”

Luke looks at him, perplexed. “A flat white, what you’ve been ordering every day for the past two weeks?”

“Oh,” Calum says like he’s surprised Luke noticed, and there’s a long pause which neither of them knows how to fill. Luke hates this, it has never been like this between them, this horrible energy that makes him feel like he doesn’t know what to say; everything feels off-kilter, like stepping on loose sand that moves unexpectedly underfoot and your heart comes to your throat and your stomach drops out your feet. Luke walks towards Calum and holds the cup out again when it seems that Calum won’t be moving to take it from him.

“I haven’t poisoned it,” Luke says, rolling his eyes, and Calum smirks a little in response. Luke internally berates himself but he can’t help but revert into the banter that he and Calum have, and as he does, and Calum smiles back at him, the sand firms up under his feet. He finally hands off the coffee to Calum before sitting himself down on the sofa and looking at Calum expectantly.

Calum sits opposite and raises a finger at Luke indicating to give him a minute, ripping off the lid of his coffee and seeing it off in about five large gulps.

Luke snorts. “Needed that then?”

“I’m so hungover,” Calum says with a small groan. 

Luke just raises his eyebrows at Calum.

“Right, sorry,” Calum says, putting the cup down and turning to face Luke properly. He takes a deep breath. “I’m actually sorry. So fucking sorry. I’m sorry for getting absolutely hammered. I’m sorry for bringing someone back to our shared Airbnb, especially when you didn’t know, but I’m sorry for doing it at all.”

Luke just looks at Calum, chewing the inside of his cheek and staying quiet.

“Please say something,” Calum says, pushing a hand through his hair, which looks a bit of a mess on top of his head. This just makes Luke think about why it looks that way and whose hands have been in it, and he grinds his teeth together.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Luke says honestly, anger swimming up inside his chest, overtaking his highly non-confrontational nature. “You brought a randomer from a club back here, what the fuck Calum?”

“I’m sorry,” Calum says, looking at him with his eyebrows pulled together. “But you left me in that club. I wasn’t going to spend all night on my own when you basically told me to fuck off.”

Luke huffs out his nose in frustration. “That wasn’t me telling you to go and put your dick in someone.” It slips out before Luke can stop it, and he only just manages to stop the “else” he nearly tacks on the end of it. Luke can’t look at Calum, becomes extremely interested in twisting that ring around his finger.

Calum inhales slightly and pauses. “I didn’t,” he says quietly.

“What?” Luke says, head snapping up to look at Calum.

“I didn’t stick my dick in someone,” Calum says. He’s not looking at Luke, staring steadfastly at the wall. “We didn’t have sex. I asked him to leave before we got near that.” 

“Oh,” Luke says, the anger draining out of him as fast as it had built up. He knows it says plenty that he’s suddenly not annoyed at Calum for bringing someone into their Airbnb now he knows they didn’t sleep together. He sighs and runs his hands through his hair. This was such a fucking mess.

“I feel like maybe we should split up,” Luke says quietly, almost wanting to laugh at the way that sounds like he’s trying to break up with Calum. “You’re leaving soon anyway.

He’s surprised when Calum lets out a harsh laugh, shaking his head.

“What?” Luke asks.

“I changed my flight,” Calum says ruefully.

“You what?”

“I changed my flight yesterday, booked it for a week later,” Calum says. “I was going to tell you last night but I got… distracted.”

Luke blushes but then realises what Calum’s said to him. “Wait what? Why did you change it?”

“So I could come with you to the Grand Canyon, fucker,” Calum says with a grin, referring to the conversation they’d had a few days ago when Luke was telling Calum what his original plan had been for the extra week he’d booked. 

“Oh,” Luke says, a smile growing on his face unwillingly.

“Oh is right,” Calum says. “Look, if you don’t want to do it, you want to go our separate ways, just say and we’ll call it. I said you could bail whenever, right?”

“I don’t want to bail,” Luke says in a small voice, and he doesn’t. It’s stupid and messy and probably a mistake, but he knows he wants to do the rest of this trip with Calum. He turns to look at Calum properly and sees the slow smile growing on his face.

“So, the Grand Canyon?” Calum asks.

“Oh no, we’re going to Disney first,” Luke says with a grin and Calum groans, shaking his head, but grinning just as hard back.

Luke knows they haven’t actually sorted anything, that they’re just putting off another inevitable situation between the two of them, but he finds it hard to care when Calum punches him playfully on the arm and smiles with the force of the brightest Los Angeles sun. 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

“I am not eating anything that’s in the shape of Mickey Mouse,” Calum grumbles, as they walk through Main Street, Calum glowering at all the people that are steaming through alongside them in the beating June sun.

“Are you going to be like this all day?” Luke asks. 

“Yes,” Calum says grumpily. “I don’t want to be here and so you will hear about how much I don’t want to be here all day.”

“Sounds great,” Luke says, clapping Calum on the shoulder before dropping his hand.

He and Calum had slipped back into their usual banter fairly quickly after the _incident_ the other night as Luke is referring to it in his head. They’d spent the rest of the day after back on Santa Monica beach, appreciating their last day of LA from one of its nicest spots as Calum had nursed his hangover. They’d stayed there until the sun had set, watching it cast everyone in orange light and the shadows of the palm trees swaying in its glow. They left their Airbnb this morning, having booked a place in Orange County to stay after Luke’s mandated Disney day and if Luke was honest he was fairly glad to see the back of it. They hadn’t spoken about it or them again, maybe both too worried about actually what they would say, and mostly they go on as they had before. It’s a good idea, except it's not, it's the worst because Luke can’t stop thinking about the feeling of Calum’s waist under his hand, Calum’s fingers on his neck, and every fleck in the colour of his eyes. He also can’t stop thinking about the sound of someone else stepping through to Calum’s bedroom. 

“Luke?” 

He realises that Calum’s been talking to him whilst they’ve been walking but he’s definitely been ignoring him for the last thirty seconds.

“Hm? What?” 

“You good bro?” Calum says with a smile, pulling down his sunglasses slightly to peer at Luke over them. 

“Yeah,” Luke shakes his head. “Let’s go to Tomorrowland, I wanna go on Space Mountain.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Calum says, but rolls his eyes fondly as Luke grabs on to his wrist and starts pulling him up Mai Street. 

“Stop complaining, I’ll take you to Galaxy’s Edge later, you can have a drink there,” Luke says, not dropping Calum’s wrist yet, letting his fingers rest there.

“Now we’re talking,” Calum says with a grin.

Calum pretends to be grumpy all day but he lets Luke drag him around and onto all the rides, so Luke thinks he might be protesting a little bit too much. 

They’ve made it back onto Main Street as the sun sets, just before the fireworks that Luke is insisting they stay for when Calum disappears off to the bathroom for a suspicious amount of time. Luke is sitting on the ground on the edge of the curb, eating a waffle as Calum appears, holding something behind his back.

“Where did you go?” Luke says suspiciously.

“Bought you a gift,” Calum says with a smile on his face, his eyes creasing up in that way that Luke can’t help but smile back at. 

“What?” Luke asks

“Close your eyes.”

Luke glares at Calum suspiciously before closing his eyes. He feels something slide onto his head and opens them to see Calum grinning down at him, before gently tucking a curl behind Luke’s ear. Luke lifts his hand to realise that Calum’s just slid a set of Mickey ears onto his head and laughs loudly.

“Calum,” he says, snorting.

“What?” Calum says innocently. “I thought as you love Disney so much then you ought to have the full look.”

“I look like a child,” Luke says grumpily, but he makes no move to remove the ears as Calum drops to the curb next to him and leans back on his hands to look at Luke.

“You look cute,” Calum says, shrugging, giving Luke a small smile. 

Luke really hopes that it’s gotten dark enough that Calum won’t see him blush with the stupid fucking ears on his head. 

“Did you get yourself anything nice?” Luke teases.

“A little souvenir,” Calum says with a grin, and he pulls a keychain out of his pocket which has a kissing Mickey and Minnie mouse on it with a huge sparkly red heart. “Do you have the car keys?”

Luke pulls the key fob out of his pocket and hands it to Calum, who snaps it onto the keychain.

“That’s so obnoxious,” Luke snorts, looking at the key which is now twice the size it was. 

“I like it,” Calum says fondly, slipping the key into his pocket, only struggling a little with its new size. “I’ll always remember the terrible day I had at Disney whilst I drive us the rest of the way back to San Fran.”

Luke elbows him and Calum pretends to fall off the curb. 

“You had a fucking great time today, don’t deny it,” Luke says. “People that don’t like Disney aren’t shit, they’re just boring.”

“It was passable,” Calum says, clearly pressing his lips together to hide a smile. He leans over and takes a bite out of Luke’s waffle that he has rested in his other hand, and Luke feels the slightly dishevelled curls on top of his head brush against his arm as he does so.

“Hey,” Luke says, pulling the waffle away from Calum. “I thought you weren’t going to eat anything Mickey-shaped.”

“You’ve already eaten some, it doesn’t count,” Calum says around a mouthful of waffle. “He’s no longer Mickey-shaped as soon as he’s lost an ear.”

“You’re so fucking annoying,” Luke huffs. 

The street fills up as it gets dark, but Luke and Calum make no effort to shift themselves. They can’t see the fireworks that well from their lower vantage point, but Luke doesn’t complain when he’s tucked next to Calum, their arms pressed together as they crane their necks to see over the people standing around them. Luke breathes in deeply, letting the warm evening, sweet and heavy with the closeness of the crowd settle in his chest as the sky ignites above them. He turns his head just slightly so he can catch Calum in the corner of his eye, can see the way the breeze catches in his hair and how the red and green and blue in the sky reflects off his skin, and his eyelashes flutter as he blinks. 

Luke lifts the ears off his head so he can quickly slide them into Calum’s curls before he can see what he’s doing. 

“Hey,” Calum says, turning his head. He goes to take them off his head but Luke grabs onto his hand and pulls it into his lap, and then drags his other wrist to hold onto them, grinning at Calum. 

“ _You’re_ so fucking annoying,” Calum says, rolling his eyes and smirking. He could absolutely break free from Luke’s grip but he doesn’t, just leaving his hands resting on Luke’s thighs where they’re in Luke’s hands. Luke keeps grinning at Calum who’s smiling so hard back at him that his eyes almost disappear. 

After a long moment, Luke finally lets go of Calum’s hands, but Calum leaves one in Luke’s lap, loosely tangling his fingers with Luke’s. He turns his ear-topped head back up towards the fireworks and away from Luke like he’s just forgotten he’s left his hand there. Luke stares at it for a moment before looking back up at the sky and trying not to think about just how fucking cliche this moment is. He is so fucked. 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

Luke wakes up to more messages from Michael.

_Have you fucked the Australian yet?_

_Fuck off Michael_

_I_ _’ll take that as a no. You’d be less uptight_

_It’s a bad idea_

_I think maybe you need a fling. Have fun, don’t overthink it_

_Have you met me_

“Okay, so what’s the plan,” Calum asks as he comes into the bedroom. He throws himself onto the bed and stretches out, raising his arms over his head and letting his feet fall off the other side. Luke tries not to look too closely at the way his ratty T-shirt raises with his arms and the good inch of tanned skin that’s revealed to him, making his skin feel hot and his mouth feel dry. He’s seen Calum without a shirt fucking hundreds of times at this point, there was no reason why some hip bones were making him feel this way. He drags his eyes up to look at Calum properly, who’s smirking at him slightly. 

“Well I think it makes sense to do San Diego first,” Luke says, pulling a sweatshirt on before also dropping back onto the bed, near the pillows, crossing his legs underneath him. It’s the morning after Disney, after staying a night in possibly their worst Airbnb yet where they’d flipped a coin to see who would get the cracked leather sofa and who would get the bed. Luke felt bad when he’d won, and came this close to telling Calum he could just sleep in the bed with him, before chickening out and leaving Calum on the sofa. The bed honestly wasn’t much better, Luke swears he’s had springs digging into his back all night. “Then come back and do Joshua Tree before we go to Arizona?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Calum says, unaffected and agreeable as usual. “Two nights in San Diego do you reckon?”

“If you want?” Luke asks.

Calum turns his head to look at Luke and smiles before reaching out and flicking his calf. “This is literally your part of the trip, I’m not even meant to be here.”

“Well it doesn’t mean I don’t value your input,” Luke says. “It’ll be shit if you're having a shit time.”

“I was having a shit time yesterday,” Calum says, but he’s smirking.

“Fuck off were you, you were basically skipping around the place by the end,” Luke says, rolling his eyes.

“I don’t skip,” Calum says with a frown.

“Prance, leap, bound,” Luke says, bringing a hand up to his mouth to hide his grin. “Whatever you want to call it, you were doing it.” 

“Well, what if I was? Fuck off,” Calum says grumpily. He pushes his face into the quilt and bumps his forehead against Luke’s knee. “Stop bullying me.”

Luke snorts. “Well maybe don’t fucking dish it out if you can’t take it, mate,” Luke says. He pokes Calum’s cheek. 

“I’ve changed my mind, I’m going home,” Calum mumbles into Luke’s knee.

A startled laugh is shocked out of Luke. “You can’t fucking joke about that,” he says. Not after how close Luke came to going off without Calum. 

Calum turns his head so he can look at Luke, his cheek pressed into Luke’s leg so it’s squashed a little against the fabric of Luke’s sweatpants. He smiles at Luke slightly. “I’m not going anywhere, Luke.”

Luke’s not sure if it’s the small but genuine smile on Calum’s lips or the level of intensity in his eyes but it feels like Calum is saying a lot more than that he’s not going to abandon Luke on their trip. And Luke’s not really sure what to make of that. 

Calum sits up and cracks his fingers, breaking the moment and snapping Luke out of his thoughts. “So what’s there to do in San Diego? Didn’t get that far with my research because I didn’t think I would go.”

“More beaches,” Luke says. 

“Oh good, am I going to get to watch you attempt to surf again?” Calum says, his eyes twinkling.

“Absolutely not,” Luke says firmly. He pulls out his phone to check his notes app. “Balboa park looked good, the zoo, obviously, although we are not going to Sea World.”

“Fair,” Calum says with a smile. “What else in San Diego, Mexican food?”

“Fuck yeah, Mexican,” Luke says. “I want to eat my weight in tacos, they’re so shit in the UK.”

“Another mark down for London, hm?” Calum says with a smirk.

“That’s a low priority consideration I think,” Luke says. “Can’t talk shit about London food until you’ve gone for a pub roast dinner I’m afraid.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Calum says.

“This is our last bit of drive down the West Coast,” Luke says. “I miss the Pacific Ocean already.”

“Then we have to stop at every beach on the way,” Calum says brightly. “To make the most of it.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

Two days later and Luke decides he likes San Diego a lot. It’s not as intimidating as Los Angeles but has this combination of liveliness and a laid back vibe that Luke loves. It suits Calum perfectly, him slipping seamlessly into the outdoorsy and artsy mood that the city seems to run off. 

That’s the other thing that might be contributing to his current rosy look of San Diego, he can’t seem to stop noticing Calum. It’s not like he was oblivious to him before, far from it, but now it was like he can’t have a thought or do a single thing without thinking about him. Like every thought he has comes complete with a Calum shaped filter over the top of it. He’d tried to give himself a stern talking to after Los Angeles, that he needed to get it together, Calum was his friend and it was for the best that it stayed that way, but every other part of his being disagreed with that voice. 

He’s always irrevocably drawn towards Calum, his body always seems to want to find where Calum is, to shift to be in his presence. It doesn’t help that the two of them had now become ridiculously fucking touchy as they’d got more comfortable with each other.

Luke supposes they should have pulled away from each other after the incident, but three days later and it seemed to be having the opposite effect. When they’re walking along the beach Calum always throws an arm over Luke’s shoulders, as if he’s not even thinking about it, it’s just where his arm should go. If they’re sat together in an Airbnb then Luke normally has his legs in Calum’s lap as Calum fiddles with the hem of his trousers or top of his socks, drinking beers and discussing plans. Calum’s also started resting his head on Luke’s shoulder to look at Luke’s phone when he’s googling where to go or what to do next, his curls brushing against Luke’s cheek and Luke has to remind himself not to freeze up when he feels Calum’s breath ghosting over his neck.

The whole thing is fucking stressful but it’s also the most comfortable he’s been with someone in a long time, and he can’t say he doesn’t enjoy the casual intimacy of being around someone you’re not afraid to touch. It’s been just over two weeks (eighteen days if anyone was counting) but Luke can’t remember the last time he felt this comfortable with someone that wasn’t Michael, and Luke knows that’s fucking insane. He was with Dan for over a year but he can’t say he ever felt this secure around him. It’s also fucking stupid. Calum was not someone who he should be feeling that way about when he lives ten thousand miles away and was probably still in love with someone else. Oh and not three days he almost fucked someone else. Either way, Luke is in way too deep.

“Have you decided what you want to do when you get home?” Calum asks on their second and last night in San Diego. They’ve booked a place to stay in Palm Springs for the next night, to stay whilst they see Joshua Tree for the next couple of days before they drive into Arizona. 

“What do you mean?” Luke asks. They’re on the sofa after getting back from their evening at a couple of bars in the city, and as usual, Calum has pulled Luke’s legs into his lap as they play music and drink some beers they’d picked up on the way back.

“Well,” Calum says, cocking his head to the side slightly. “Not to point it out but you don’t have a job.”

“I think that is pointing it out, dickhead,” Luke says, rolling his eyes. “I’ve been trying not to think about it, to be honest.”

“Well, what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know the answer to that either,” Luke says, sighing. He’s not sure he wants to have this conversation with Calum, or like, with anyone, ever.

Calum just smiles at him gently and pinches his socked toe. “This isn’t a test, Luke.”

Luke pushes a hand through his hair and takes a large sip of his beer.

“What did you want to do before your old job?” Calum asks.

“I wanted to be an editor,” Luke says with a sigh. “That’s why I did a Literature degree.”

“What happened to that plan?” Calum asks.

“Needing an actual job,” Luke says, rolling his eyes. “I did some internships at publishing houses and loved them, but I desperately needed money to stay in London when I graduated, and the recruitment company I work for, well, _worked_ for, were doing recruitment drives, and here I am three years later.”

“Well maybe now is a good time to go back to it?” Calum asks. “If it’s still something you want to do?”

“I’m still poor,” Luke grumbles. “I can’t just find my dream job at the drop of a hat, it's not as easy as that.”

“Don’t I know it,” Calum says quietly. “But you don’t have a job right now anyway, right? So it’s worth taking a look.”

“I suppose,” Luke mumbles.

“Life’s too short to stick around in situations that don’t make you happy,” Calum says with a smile.

“And you know that from experience?” Luke bites back, before realising what he’s said, but Calum just laughs.

“Oh, most definitely,” Calum says, as he tickles Luke’s foot slightly. Luke kicks in retaliation and ends up digging his heel into Calum’s thigh, hard.

Calum grunts. “Careful now, that was dangerously close to my dick,” he says, holding onto Luke’s ankles.

“Maybe that was my intention,” Luke says with a grin. “What about you anyway? What are you gonna do when you get home? You said you were job hunting?”

“Yeah,” Calum sighs and looks up at the ceiling. “I’ve found one, just not sure I’m gonna take it yet.”

“What kind of job?” Luke asks, realising that along with him never telling Calum about what his plans are, he’s never heard about Calum’s either. They talk all the time, but it's moments like this that remind Luke that he’s actually only known Calum a few days, that there’s so much about him that he has yet to find out.

“A&R at a record label,” Calum says. “I did some apprenticeship work in it but never pursued it because I didn’t think I was good enough. It was a fucking shock that I was actually offered something when I applied.”

“How did you get into that?” Luke asks. “That’s fucking cool.”

“I did music at university but realised that the actual music side was not really where I excelled,” Calum says ruefully. “But I managed to get an apprenticeship at a label in Sydney whilst I was still studying.”

“Did you think about staying there to work?” Luke said.

“It was a fixed-term thing, I knew I wasn’t gonna get a job at the end of it,” Calum says. “I could have looked elsewhere, but I was content to stay around Sydney in my bar work. Near my friends.”

He doesn’t need to say it, he knows Calum means near the guy who he’s in love with. 

“Why are you thinking about maybe not taking the new job?” Luke asks curiously. “It’s better than the bar work you were doing before, right?” 

“Oh fuck yes,” Calum says with a laugh and then pauses. “It’s just further away from my home than I ever planned to go,” he says carefully. 

“Long commute?” Luke asks.

“Something like that,” Calum says with a small smile. “I’ll have to make a decision soon but for now I’m driving through the Californian desert without a care in the world.”

“Cheers to that,” Luke says and leans towards Calum to knock the neck of his beer bottle against Calum’s. He gets the feeling there’s something else playing on Calum’s mind about what he’s saying to Luke, but as usual, he stays quiet instead of asking Calum exactly what he means. Maybe before the end of the trip, he’ll actually understand what’s going on in Calum’s head, but he’s not counting on it. 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

If Luke thought driving alongside the Pacific ocean with Calum was an experience it’s nothing compared to driving through the Californian desert with Calum. He didn’t know California could even be like this, could look like this. It’s gorgeous, miles of winding road through mountainous terrain with the bluest sky Luke’s ever seen, the sun beating down on them, way too hot during the day but neither of them wants to put the roof back up when it looks like this around them. Luke feels free in a way he’s not sure he’s ever felt before, like everything that was heavy in his limbs and head and heart has been lifted off him by the Californian breeze, burnt away by the sun that shines more brightly than anything he’s experienced. He feels like he’s lighter than he was nineteen days ago, that his heart beats stronger and his lungs can take in more air. 

There’s something about the wind rushing through Luke’s hair and the heat on his face, and Calum in the seat next to him. He appreciates how beautiful it is maybe because Calum is most often at the centre of his perspective of the landscape, sunglasses slipping down his nose as usual, and his hair sticking up in a tangled mess of curls because of the wind. Luke spends an inordinate amount of time looking at Calum out of the corner of his eye (or not out of the corner most of the time, he’s unabashedly staring at him), watching the way his tattooed hands wrap around the steering wheel, the way his brow furrows slightly when he’s working out where to park if they’re stopping for a moment and the way he sings even louder when one of his Luke-limited Oasis songs comes on the playlist. 

Luke would be embarrassed at being caught looking at Calum, but he can’t really be because whenever Calum does catch his eye, he smiles even bigger. He also sometimes fucking _winks_ at Luke, which is not helping how much Luke feels like he wants Calum. Which is a lot. He’s accepted his fate as having the world’s biggest fucking crush on Calum Hood. It’s terrible to admit, but that’s exactly what it is, when whenever Calum does so much as smile at Luke it makes him fucking swoon like a teenage girl or blushing virgin (neither of which he is). 

They’ve nearly kissed on two separate occasions and yet _he’s_ the reason that they still haven’t, which might be the worst part. He wants to punch his past self in the face, yeah, maybe it was for the best to not ruin their dynamic, but fuck if Luke doesn’t wish he’d kissed Calum when he had the chance. 

They’re driving back to their Airbnb in Palm Springs after their day hiking around Joshua Tree just as the sun is setting. They’ve planned to leave early the next morning to do the drive into Arizona to the Grand Canyon, which is going to be Calum’s longest stint of driving yet. 

Luke’s taking the opportunity to text Michael before he goes to sleep because his head has been going a million miles an hour today.

_I think I’m having a crisis_

_What else is new_

_Shut up_

_I think I like Calum_

_Yes_

_I could have told you that_

_No, I think I like him like him_

_Yes_

_I could have told you that_

_Shut the fuck up_

_What do I do now?_

_Fuck. Him._

_That’s absolutely not useful in the slightest_

Calum turns the music down slightly and Luke looks up from his phone.

“I think we should go to Vegas,” Calum says.

“What?” Luke asks.

“Come on,” Calum says, looking at him before focusing on the road. “We’re not going to the Grand Canyon, driving back to Cali via Death Valley and not going to Vegas.”

Luke laughs. “I don’t think Vegas is my style, do I look Vegas to you?”

“Vegas is everybody’s style,” Calum says with a wink, and Luke tries to ignore the way that makes him feel. Unsuccessfully.

“Fine,” Luke says, shaking his head. He’s aware he’s not putting up much of a fight, but truthfully, he doesn’t think he’d mind doing Vegas with Calum, the main reason he hadn’t thought to plan for it before was that going to Vegas on your own seemed a bit sad. “But only because you’re driving us all the way to the Grand Canyon tomorrow.” 

“Exactly,” Calum says with a satisfied grin. “I hope you’ve figured out some good places for us to stop tomorrow, I am not driving six hours straight without a break.”

“Plenty planned in,” Luke says.

“Good,” Calum says. “On that topic, I’m pulling over in a sec, I need a piss.”

“We’re like thirty minutes from being back at the Airbnb,” Luke protests with a laugh.

“Thirty minutes too long,” Calum says, finding a good place to pull over and stopping the car. 

It’s just starting to get dark, the sky still fairly bright but Calum having to put the headlights on for full visibility. It’s also just starting to get cooler so Luke shivers a bit as Calum stops the car and gets out.

“You cold?” he asks, coming around to the back of the car.

“A bit,” Luke says, shrugging, as he gets out too, he might as well stretch his legs. 

“Hang on,” Calum says, and opens the boot, before extracting a sweatshirt with a pleased noise. “Knew I left this in here.”

He tosses the sweatshirt at Luke, and Luke pulls it over his head with a grateful smile. Calum snorts at Luke and Luke frowns.

“What?”

“Here,” Calum says, stepping closer to Luke and reaching out to mess with the hair on top of his head.

“We’ve been driving with the top down all day, it’s unsalvageable,” Luke protests, cheeks warming slightly as Calums fingers gently tug through his hair, tucking it behind his ears and smoothing along his forehead.

“There, you look less of a dickhead now,” Calum says, grinning, before turning and heading into the trees next to them.

Luke shakes his head and smiles. He leaves the doors of the car open and slides himself onto the bonnet, watching the sunset in the distance, and wishing his life could be like this every day.

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

“You ready?” Luke asks as he slides back into the passenger seat, handing Calum his flat white.

“As I’ll ever be,” Calum says, taking a gulp of coffee before sitting the cup into the cup holder and shifting into drive. 

“I can’t believe I’ve got to spend the next five hours in just your presence,” Calum says as he merges onto the highway.

“You say that like you haven’t spent the last nineteen days just in my presence,” Luke points out with a snort. 

“That’s true,” Calum says thoughtfully. “Maybe this is the five hours that will put me over the edge.”

“Fuck off,” Luke says, shifting around in his seat to cross his legs underneath him. “It was your decision to come with me. You could be nearly back in San Fran by now, about to fly home. Is that what you want?”

Calum gives Luke a long look that Luke wants to protest about, that Calum should focus on the road, but can’t bring himself to when he sees the warm look in Calum’s eyes when he turns his head towards Luke.

“No, I don’t think so,” Calum says. 

Luke turns back towards the road in the hope Calum won’t see him blush.

Despite him joking with Calum, Luke did wonder how they were going to get on for five and a half hours in the car together with nothing else to see or do. They’ve spent most of their time in the car together, but normally for no more than two or three hours at a time as they broke up their journey down the west coast, and although they’re planning to stop on this stint, it's not going to be for more than a few minutes each time. 

He doesn’t know why he was worried though, it’s exactly as easy as it's always been with Calum. Luke considers how fucking weird it is that he finds Calum this easy to talk to when he feels out of his depth talking to most people, but he’s realised he needs to stop thinking so hard when it comes to Calum, nothing about it makes sense, from when he’d first agreed to get in a car with this man, to this moment, when they’re having an impassioned debate over Penguins versus Tim Tams. 

“How can you say a Tim Tam is better when you’ve never had a Penguin?” Luke asks, waving his hands to emphasise his point.

“I just know it is!” Calum says. “It’s Australian, and therefore the best.”

“That’s a culturally influenced perspective! You have to at least try a Penguin before you make those kinds of statements,” Luke says, punching Calum in the shoulder.

“Watch it, I’m driving,” Calum says. “Don’t make me crash over fucking Penguins.”

“I would die for Penguins,” Luke says seriously. “Somehow I’m going to get one to you. And then you’ll see.”

Calum smiles a little. “Okay, deal. I will eat a Penguin before I say any more on the matter.” He looks at Luke and offers his hand towards him.

“Fucking hell, Calum,” Luke says. “Please can you keep both hands on the wheel?!”

Calum laughs loudly. 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

They get to where they’ve booked a motel room, just to the south of the Grand Canyon, late afternoon. They would have gotten there earlier but they got a little distracted exploring the weird town they’d stopped in at lunchtime and lost track of time.

“See, you survived,” Luke says once they’ve parked, unfolding his long limbs from the car and getting out, stretching his arms above his head. “No thanks to you though, thought you were going to kill us a few times.”

“Fewer comments on my driving please,” Calum says as he gets out the drivers side. 

“Sorry,” Luke says with a small smile. “Thank you, I appreciate you driving us, even when you nearly killed us”

“Incredibly diplomatic of you,” Calum says, snorting. “Come on then let's see how shitty this motel is.”

They'd had to book somewhere last minute, and it wasn’t that easy finding somewhere close to the Grand Canyon in what was almost peak season. They’d found a room in a passable looking motel in a town just south of the park and Luke had called to book whilst they were driving.

It didn’t look great from the outside, but it was cheap and only for one night so Luke didn’t think they could really complain. 

They wander into the dated lobby area and approach the desk. 

“Hi, I booked a room earlier today?” Luke asks the middle-aged man sitting behind the reception desk. “Hemmings?”

“Yep,” the man says shortly. “Here, room forty-two.” He thrusts a key at the two of them and looks back at his computer. 

“Uh, thanks?” Luke says bemusedly and Calum snorts quietly next to him. 

They head to the room and unlock the door, Luke holds it open for Calum behind him but stops when he gets just over the threshold and Calum almost stumbles into his back. 

It’s a small room, and most importantly, there’s only one bed. No sofa, just a hard looking chair pushed under a desk in the far corner that there’s not really room for.

“They must have given us the wrong room,” Luke says. He feels Calum peer over his shoulder. “I definitely asked for a two-bed room, you heard me.” 

“Wait here, I’ll go ask,” Calum says. Luke nods and waits outside the room when Calum disappears for a long fifteen minutes. He returns looking irritated, running his hands through his already messy hair. 

“Talking to that man is like getting fucking blood from a stone,” he says, irked. “After the most painful ten minutes of my life, this is the only room left, there aren’t any ones with two beds or even any other doubles.”

“Oh,” Luke says.

“I can sleep on the floor or something?” Calum says, looking at the frozen expression on Luke’s face. Calum opens the door again and Luke follows him into the room, throwing his bag in the corner. He wants to tell Calum that he looks panicked not because he _doesn’t_ want to sleep in the same bed as Calum but because it would be a very bad idea. They’ve shared rooms over the trip, when they’ve had rooms with two beds in, and Luke is very familiar with Calum’s presence, but sleeping in the same bed is a whole other thing that Luke’s not sure he or his body are prepared for.

“No, no,” he says quickly. “It’s fine, the bed’s big enough right?”

“I’m not sure,” Calum says with a small smile, “with your shoulders? How will I fit?”

Luke can feel himself blush and looks away from Calum “Shut the fuck up.”

“Seriously,” Calum says, his grin growing. “You’re massive, how do you even fit in beds normally?”

“I’m not that tall,” Luke mumbles.

“Mate, I’m tall,” Caum says, clapping Luke on the shoulder. “You’re like, new levels. Literally.”

“Fuck off,” Luke says, laughing unwillingly. 

“Just bear that in mind when you’re in bed with me,” Calum says with a smirk. “I don’t want to fall out or anything.” 

Luke punches Calum on the arm and starts rooting through his rucksack so he can avoid looking at him. 

They get dinner just around the corner from the motel, but there’s not much to do in the tiny town just forty minutes outside the south rim of the Grand Canyon so they end up back at the terrible bar in the motel. Everything is wood-panelled, floor to ceiling, and every piece of furniture in there is another complementary shade of brown. 

“I’m not sure how long I can stay in here,” Calum says over his drink. “I feel like I might become wood myself just by sitting in here for too long.”

Luke snorts. “As if the room is any better,” he says. “Why do they love brown so much?”

“I think it’s meant to be complementary to the landscape,” Calum says grimly. “I think it’s an insult to the landscape if you ask me.” 

“Complimentary to the landscape?” Luke asks disbelievingly. “Yeah, if the landscape was made of literal shit.”

Calum laughs and chokes on his beer, turning into hacking coughs that draw the attention of everyone else in the bar. Luke leans around to start thumping him on the back, smiling embarrassedly at everyone who’s turned towards them. 

Calum finally gets control of himself, wiping tears from his eyes and grinning at Luke.

“Oh, you’re funny sometimes, London Luke.”

They go back to the room after that one drink, deciding that they’ve caused a nuisance of themselves enough in the bar and that they can play one of their customary evening card games in their tiny room.

Luke sits crossed-legged on the bed whilst Calum stretches out next to him, propped up on his elbow as they play, Calum’s phone playing music quietly and the window open to let the night breeze blow through the room. They decide to get an early night as they were up so early that morning and they’ll be getting up again early the next morning to see the Grand Canyon before driving to Vegas, but before they go to sleep, Calum suggests booking somewhere to stay in Vegas so they’re not doing it the day of again. 

“We are not spending that much on a hotel,” Luke says when Calum shows him where he wants them to stay.

“It's not so bad if we share it!” Calum wheedles.

“I can’t spend $100 on one night!” Luke says. 

“What if we do the $150 one, that’s only $75 each,” Calum says. He’s shuffled himself next to Luke. and rests his head on his shoulder to look up at him pleadingly. “Please? It’ll be fun I promise.”

As if Luke was going to be able to refuse Calum anything with his head resting on his shoulder, his breath puffing onto Luke’s neck and his puppy dog eyes turned on him. 

“Fine,” Luke says. “But you’re buying at least an extra round of drinks.”

“Oh I will,” Calum says, flashing him a wide grin now he’s got his way. “If we’re doing Vegas, we’re doing Vegas.”

Luke showers in the small bathroom and puts his sweat shorts and T-shirt on, thinking it’s polite to put on some kind of pyjamas if he’s getting in bed with someone else. He looks at himself in the mirror, his hair curling as it dries on his head and skin slightly pink from the shower, and takes some deep breaths. He tells himself not to be pathetic, he can sleep in the same bed as Calum without being a fucking disaster about it. After one more deep breath, he hangs up his towel and heads back into the bedroom where Calum is already under the quilt, scrolling through his phone. His mouth goes a little dry when he sees Calum has decided to forgo the shirt, which he _knows_ Calum doesn’t wear a shirt to sleep, but it’s different when he’s going to be that close to the expanse of tanned tattooed skin. 

He grabs his charger from his bag and moves to the other side of the bed, plugging in the adapter before sliding between the sheets. Calum plugs his own phone in before turning over to face Luke, his head in his hand on the pillow, giving him a tired smile.

“I’m so fucking tired and all I did today was basically sit down,” he says quietly.

Luke rolls onto his side to face Calum. There’s enough space between them but the energy is different, the low light from the lamp next to Calum’s side casting him in a soft glow. Luke can feel the warmth from Calum’s skin and every move he makes on the mattress next to him.

“You did drive for almost six hours,” Luke replies. “I suppose that takes a bit of concentration.”

“A bit?” Calum asks with a grin. “I was highly focused, thank you very much, despite you distracting me.”

“Me?” Luke asks. “I’m a great passenger, I’m not distracting!”

“Oh, Luke,” Calum says, shaking his head on the pillow slightly. “You’re always distracting.”

Before Luke can work out how to respond, Calum turns over and flicks off the lamp before rolling back, Luke feeling him settle himself underneath the quilt. 

Luke turns over to face the opposite way, thinking over what Calum exactly meant by Luke being distracting, but as he muses, he can feel Calum shift behind him and feels him get a little bit closer, just so Luke can feel the warmth from his body a bit stronger. Luke holds his breath for a second, trying to work out if it was intentional or not, but almost like his own body has a mind of its own, he shifts back slightly himself so his back is almost pressed against Calum’s chest. Cuddling is allowed, isn’t it? He cuddles with Michael sometimes and that is definitely only friendly, Luke just likes a snuggle sometimes? 

There’s another moment and then Luke feels Calum’s arm wind around his waist, and his hand press against Luke’s midriff. Luke exhales the breath he’s holding and can’t help but press back against Calum again, tucking his feet underneath Calum’s calves. He feels Calum’s face press against the back of his neck and swears he can feel Calum smile against his skin. 

“Goodnight, Luke,” Calum murmurs.

“Night, Calum,” Luke says softly and feels Calum press the lightest of kisses against his neck, so soft that Luke thinks he might have imagined it. Luke closes his eyes with a smile on his face.

He wakes up slowly as the room starts getting light. He’s used to waking up and being confused where he is, it's part of the territory of staying in a different place almost every night, but this time it feels different. Maybe because the pillow under him is warm and smooth? And moving up and down slightly? And not a pillow at all, he realises as he blinks his eyes open slightly, but Calum’s chest. 

His face is pressed into Calum’s warm skin, his upper body slumped over Calum’s torso with Calum’s arms wrapped around him and their legs tangled together. Luke stiffens when he realises what’s happening and almost immediately starts trying to pull himself away, but he hears Calum make a discontented grunt from above him and his arms tighten around Luke. Luke moves his head slightly to peer up at Calum, but he still seems to be asleep. Luke thinks over his options, he could forcefully remove himself from Calum’s grip, but where would he go? The bathroom? Also, he’s comfy, Calum’s skin is warm, and his arms feel nice around him which makes him less inclined to move at all.

“Sh,” he hears Calum shush him from above.

“I haven’t said anything,” Luke mumbles into Calum’s skin, moving his head to look at Calum again, but he’s still got his eyes closed.

“You’re thinking so loudly,” Calum says, and his fucking morning voice takes Luke out again, it’s been nearly three weeks but Luke was not getting any less attracted to how Calum sounds in the morning, his voice low and gravelly. 

“That doesn’t make sense,” Luke says, but he rests his head back against Calum’s chest.

“No thoughts yet, too early, too comfy,” Calum says, and Luke feels him press his face into the top of his head. “Alarm hasn’t even gone off yet.”

“Fine,” Luke says and closes his eyes again. This was going to be a problem for future Luke to obsess over.

They do get up an hour or so later when Luke’s alarm goes off, and Calum stretches as Luke rolls away from him slightly. Calum gets out of bed, giving Luke a warm smile before heading into the bathroom. Luke plays with his phone as he leaves and thinks about the fact that he just spent all night cuddling with Calum. Nothing happened, which is probably for the best, but now Luke’s having another round of crisis as his head imagines himself waking up with Calum like that all the time, in his flat back in London, the light coming through the window much greyer, but the body underneath him the same. And that was even more dangerous. Because whatever happened Luke _couldn’t_ have Calum at the end of this. He’d fucking fallen for the fit-and-nice-and-funny-and-sweet Australian man, and where exactly did that leave him?

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

_Shared a bed with Calum_

_By accident_

_That doesn’t even make sense_

_Fucked him yet?_

_NO_

_We cuddled_

_I’m stressed I shouldn’t have done that_

_You’re overthinking this again_

He tries to be normal the rest of the day at the Grand Canyon, to focus on the fact he’s at the fucking Grand Canyon, but his head is too full and his stomach too busy twisting itself in knots. Calum looks at him a bit strangely but stops asking him if he’s okay after the fourth time he does and Luke snaps that he’s fine. Luke knows there’s no reason to be taking it out on Calum, but he’s so confused, there are too many things at play here.

He likes Calum, proper likes, wants to be with, wants to fuck but also wants to wake up next to and spend the day with kind of like. And Calum lived ten thousand miles away, was in love with someone else, and had already nearly slept with someone else in the twenty days Luke had known him. Pulling away and shutting down again was the only response he seemed to be able to work through. 

So that’s what he does, spending almost the whole day in silence. Not the best way to appreciate one of the world’s natural wonders and Luke considers whether he’ll regret spending all day in stony silence when he looks back at what probably should be one of the most memorable moments of the trip, with a boy he only met three weeks ago. 

He looks out onto the landscape, squinting against the sun and sweating uncomfortably in the heat, and tries to appreciate what he’s looking at. But truthfully, he’s just trying to stop himself from turning to watch Calum instead. 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

They drive towards Vegas late afternoon, Calum forcefully making conversation with Luke that he replies to with short clipped sentences, before turning the music up.

They’re just getting close to the city when Calum sighs loudly and turns down the music.

“Look,” he starts, staring at the road. “I don’t know what your problem is, but Luke, you have to talk to me about it, or get a grip otherwise we’re going to have the fucking shittest time ever in Vegas together, and personally, that’s not what I want out of my one night here.”

Luke startles a little at being called out and looks down at his hands.

“I’m f—”

“Fuck off are you fine,” Calum says, irritation seeping into his previously light tone. “You don’t have to tell me what’s going on, but please don’t treat me like fucking dirt on your shoe because I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong.”

“You haven’t,” Luke says quickly. “I just…” he pauses, but he can’t tell Calum what he’s been thinking about, and he can’t explain the way he’s been acting all day either. “I’m sorry,” is all he says in a small voice. 

There’s a long pause and Luke watches the way Calum’s hands flex around the steering wheel.

“It’s fine,” Calum says, exhaling again and almost deflating, pushing a hand through his hair. “Look, can we just try to have a good time tonight?”

He turns to Luke to look at him, a furrow in his brow and a worried look in his eyes and Luke feels the guilt in his stomach swell a little. He wants nothing more than to smooth the worried look off Calum’s face, and hates knowing he’s the cause of it.

“Buy me a tequila and I’ll try to have a good time,” Luke says in a small voice, lip twitching slightly.

Calum huffs a laugh out of his nose as he turns towards the road again. 

“I think you’re the one that should be buying me drinks, but I suppose I could be persuaded.”

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

Luke hasn't stopped worrying about how he feels about Calum, but it's hard to concentrate on it when they’re getting drunk together in Las Vegas.

Things start getting a little blurry around the fourth round of shots he and Calum do, at a price that Luke doesn’t even want to think about, Calum keeping his original word and buying double the number of rounds that Luke does. Luke knows he keeps his stubbornness enough to not gamble, which would be a terrible idea, but that doesn’t stop Calum. Luckily he doesn’t bet stupid amounts, so it's funny more than anything else watching him lose three times over in one of the casinos. 

“I lost again,” Calum says, frowning mournfully as he gets up from the table.

“I know,” Luke giggles. “You’re shit at gambling.”

“Shut up,” Calum says, and he looks so forlorn all Luke’s hazy brain can think to do is wrap his arms around Calum’s shoulders and pull him into his chest.

Calum makes a happy noise into Luke’s neck and Luke nuzzles Calum’s curls. They’re soft and smell nice and it’s nice on his face. He thinks he’d like to spend all his time with his face pressed into Calum’s hair if he were able. Could that be his new career?

“I need something to bring me good luck,” Calum murmurs into Luke’s neck and Luke shivers at the feeling of Calum’s lips brushing his skin.

“Oh yeah?” Luke responds after his brain catches up to what Calum’s actually said rather than just thinking about how his hair feels.

“Yeah,” Calum says and pulls back to look at Luke in the eyes.

“What did you have in mind?” Luke says, eyes tracking over Calum’s face lazily.

“A good luck kiss,” Calum says quietly, eyes dark and intent on Luke’s lips. Luke licks them without thinking and watches the way Calum’s breath hitches slightly at the action. 

Luke’s brain is working far too quickly but also nowhere near fast enough when he reaches out to tip Calum’s chin up and slowly drops a kiss onto his lips. He hears Calum make a noise into his mouth and presses closer. Luke hazily thinks that there might be a reason why he hasn’t done this before, but he can’t really remember that reason when Calum’s lips are moving against his, his tongue sweeping across Luke’s lower lip, and when Calum’s arms come around him to grip at his waist. He pulls away and blinks his eyes open to look at Calum who’s gazing at him intensely, and watches the way his tongue comes out to lick his own lips. 

“Come with me?” Calum asks quietly into the space between their mouths.

“Okay,” Luke murmurs back, and Calum’s lips quirk into a wicked grin before he grabs Luke’s hand and starts pulling him out of the building, and Luke lets himself be dragged with him. 

He absolutely does not remember what happens after that, but he can guess. 

Mainly by the way he wakes up in Calum’s bed the next morning. With Calum. And neither of them have any clothes on at all.

 _Fucking fuck fuck sake_. 

“Fucking fuck fuck sake,” he says aloud as he makes an attempt to roll out of Calum’s hold. He can’t though, one, because Calum’s grip on him is too tight, and secondly, because all of his muscles scream at him in response. Fuckng _hell,_ he feels like he’s run a marathon, or been hit by a bus, there are parts of him that ache that he didn’t even know could ache. His head also bangs in the tell-tale way that he inhaled far too much tequila than necessary the night before.

He groans quietly as more bits and pieces from the night before come filtering back into his head; Calum dragging him back to their hotel room and pushing him up against the door, Luke almost ripping the shirt he was wearing off him to get his mouth on his neck and chest. Calum asking him if this was okay if what he was doing was okay as he carefully peeled off Luke’s own clothes. Luke whispering _yes, yes_ into Calum’s mouth, feeling those hands finally press into his skin. And… fuck Luke needs to stop that train of thought right there before he is faced with another issue along with the predicament he already finds himself in. 

“Fuck,” he says again, and his voice, or maybe his pure panic, finally seems to stir Calum awake. He groans slightly and then looks down at Luke in his arms.

“Oh,” is all he says, blinking slightly, eyes slightly bloodshot and mouth red, his hair a disaster. 

Luke takes the opportunity to roll himself off Calum and gets out of bed quickly despite his protesting limbs and head, then becomes immediately aware again that he’s fucking naked and swiftly moves towards the bathroom. Well, as swiftly as he’s fucking _able_ in his current state, so to speak.

“Luke…” Calum starts as Luke speeds across the room.

“Gonna have a shower,” Luke says quickly as he gets into the bathroom and slams the door behind him. He leans up against the door and breathes in deeply through his nose, a wave of nausea coming over him that he’s not sure is due to the situation or the amount of tequila he consumed last night. He groans again and turns the shower on, before catching sight of himself in the mirror.

He _looks_ fucked out, his hair a fucking tangled mess on his head, his lips swollen and his eyes puffy. He strokes his fingers over his neck where he can see the lightest of marks of Calum’s mouth, identical marks down his chest and thighs, and darker purpling bruises on his hips which Luke can see Calum’s fingers fit against in his head. He presses his own fingers against them for a second, inhaling before quickly getting into the shower. Fucking hell, he thought this was complicated before, now he’d only gone and actually had sex with Calum? Fucking good sex as well if the way he looked and felt was anything to go by. (And by the fact he remembers it being good but who’s asking?) He turns his head up and scrubs at his skin, and half contemplates if it would be possible to drown himself in the spray rather than going back into the bedroom to face Calum. He stays in the shower for as long as possible but thinks it would be a dick move if there was no hot water by the time he gets out, so with a sigh he steps out and grabs his towel. He feels marginally better now he’s washed off the night before but it’s not helping his inner turmoil at all.

Luke groans out loud and wraps the towel around his waist before opening the door and stepping back into the bedroom cautiously. Calum is still sitting on the bed, scrolling on his phone and facing away from Luke. Luke sees with a strange swoop in his stomach that he’s not sure is regret or desire, that he'd left his own marks on Calum, his back covered in red scratches that Luke can hazily remember clawing into his skin. 

Calum turns to look at him as he comes back into the room, giving him a small smile. Luke just looks away, he’s too stressed to even look at Calum in the eyes, and goes to his bag to dig out some clothes without saying anything to him.

He hears Calum sigh before hearing him go into the bathroom and close the door. Luke drops to the floor next to his bag in his towel and puts his head between his knees. Fucking hell, how was he supposed to navigate the rest of the trip now? 

He decides he needs more time to think and sort himself out, so gets dressed as quickly as he’s able, pulling on his clothes, sunglasses and a hat to cover as much of his face as he can before leaving the room. He sighs, listening to the shower run and sends a quick text to Calum as he’s leaving.

_Gone for breakfast, be back later_

Luke sits in the corner of one of the hotel restaurants, sipping tea. It’s not quite like proper tea, but he’d requested English Breakfast and some cold milk so what he’s made is as good as he’s going to get in a hotel restaurant in Las Vegas he supposes. He eats some dry toast, trying to settle his stomach which feels like it's doing constant somersaults inside him. What the fuck was he going to do now? 

He supposes he could rent his own car from here and finish the trip on his own, but Calum would be going the same way anyway, could he live with wondering if he was going to bump into him at all the other places they’d planned to go together? Also, really did Luke even want to travel the rest of the way back on his own? He weighs up having to sort out whatever is going on between him and Calum versus not seeing Calum ever again, the latter making him feel so sick he’s worried for a second he’s going to vomit toast back up over his plate.

God, he was in so fucking deep. Luke looks at the obnoxious water feature in the centre of the room, watching the way the water rushes over the glass panes and rejects the idea of going off on his own, he knows he’s not going to leave Calum behind now. 

His mistake with Dan had been rushing in too soon, coming on too strong. So even though he’d already fucking slept with Calum, maybe he could act like it wasn’t a big deal and get through the rest of the trip as friends again. It’s a fucking flimsy plan of action at that, but he’s not sure what else he can do, it's not like he can actually _be_ with Calum, and not as if Calum even wants to be with him. 

He spends another hour wandering around the pool areas of the ridiculously big and fancy hotel, sure that he looks insane, pacing around in the heat fully dressed and glowering, but he needs as long away from Calum as he can get before he has to try to act normal around him. He goes back inside to sit in a coffee shop just next to the lobby and is thinking his options over again as he pulls his phone out to text Michael. He’s sure that he’ll be unhelpful as usual but thinks he probably owes him an update on the disaster that is his life.

_Something happened_

_In Vegas_

_OH_

_Oh my god_

_Fucked him?????_

_Yes_

_Well he fucked me but you get the gist_

_Fucking hell_

_What a nightmare_

_Are you joking???_

_This is good news!_

_No it's fucking not_

_This is the worst idea_

_Why do I always do this_

_Luke_

_I said I wouldn’t bring him up again, but Calum’s not Dan_

_This is not the same situation_

_No, it's WORSE because there’s not even a prospect of being with Calum_

_And because you know how I feel about him_

_I have a question_

_What_

_How was the sex?_

_You’re meant to be advising me here!!!!!_

_(so good)_

_I am!!! I’m advising you to fuck Calum some more and stop being so in your head about it_

_(fuck yeah)_

_I’m probably going to pretend nothing happened_

_Are you fucking joking that’s the worst idea ever_

_[shrugging emoji]_

_For fuck’s sake Luke_

He hears a cough and looks up to see Calum approaching him cautiously. 

“Hey,” Calum says. “Can I sit?”

“Course,” Luke squeaks, then clears his throat. “Uh, this is for you, I was gonna bring it back up to the room.” He nudges the second coffee cup towards Calum. 

A warm smile spreads over Calum’s face as he slides into the seat opposite Luke and an identical warm feeling settles inside Luke’s chest, despite his dread. 

“Flat white?” Calum asks.

“What else? Come on now,” Luke says, and he can’t stop the small smile that comes to his face. Calum returns it full force.

“Are you okay?” Calum asks warily, taking a sip of his coffee. 

_Normal, be normal, not a big deal, don’t make it a big deal,_ Luke chants to himself.

“Yeah, I’m good,” he says and it only comes out a little bit shaky. Well. He almost managed it. “You?”

Calum looks at him with his eyes narrowed slightly. “I’m fucking hungover as hell, for one.”

“I mean, yeah, that too,” Luke says, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear that’s escaped where he’s pulled his hair back. “So when did you want to get driving again? Should we find somewhere to stay for tonight?”

“Luke,” Calum starts, frowning slightly. 

“We can chill for a bit if you don’t feel up to driving yet,” Luke continues. “We’re not in a rush, really.”

“Luke,” Calum says again, more loudly. 

“What?” Luke asks, his heart racing, trying to seem unaffected.

“We should probably talk?” Calum says, raising his eyebrows. 

“About what?” Luke says, gripping his coffee tightly. _Normal, casual._

“About what?” Calum says disbelievingly. He pauses, looking at Luke, and Luke blinks back at him as his heart goes a thousand miles an hour. Calum lets out a short bitter laugh and shakes his head. “Right, okay then.”

Luke looks down at his hands and chews the inside of his cheek. He knows Calum is waiting for him to say something, but he doesn’t know what he can even say. 

“We have to check out in an hour,” Calum says in a detached voice. “I’m gonna go nap until then and then we can figure out what we’re doing.”

Luke looks up to watch Calum get up from the table and walk back across the lobby without looking back, and Luke drops his head to the table. Okay, so maybe Michael was right, that was the worst idea ever.

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

If Luke thought the drive from the Grand Canyon to Las Vegas had been awkward, it's nothing compared to the drive he’s now enduring through Death Valley. Maybe because this time it feels more like Calum is giving him the silent treatment rather than the other way around.

Calum had appeared back in the lobby an hour later, looking only very marginally less pissed off, and they’d checked out, picking up the car. He hadn’t tried to talk to Luke apart from logistical travel things since then. They’d stopped so they could get something to eat early on, Calum saying he needed something if he was going to survive the next two hours, and Luke didn’t know if that was in reference to him or his hangover. 

Death Valley was an insane sight to witness, and again Luke wonders whether he’s managed to ruin his trip by spending another day not speaking to Calum. It’s an uncomfortable three hours for Luke, both physically due to last night's _antics_ , and also because of the thickness of the air between Luke and Calum. Luke’s not sure what’s worse, the physical pain he’s enduring or the aching feeling he has when he looks at Calum. (It’s Calum. He knows it is.) 

They find another motel just before they get to the south of Yosemite which is their next agreed stop, and agree in short sentences that they’ll stop there, Calum saying he doesn’t really want to drive much more that day, and both of them still suffering from the night before.

Luke lets Calum go inside to ask about a room whilst he leans against the car and tries to get some air into his lungs, feeling claustrophobic even standing outside the car.

“Here,” Calum says as he gets back to Luke, handing him a key. “It’s cheap here so I got us separate rooms.”

“Oh,” Luke says. “Right.”

“I’m gonna go lie down, I feel like shit,” Calum says, and with a dull smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, he locks the car and turns away from Luke, heading towards the rooms. 

Luke pushes a hand through his hair and exhales. They’d spent over three weeks together and this was the first time Calum had suggested they stay separately, even in the beginning when they hardly knew each other he was happy to share apartments and even rooms with Luke. Luke sullenly trudges to his own room number, pulling a face at the terrible interior before locking the door, closing the blinds and getting into bed fully clothed, pulling the covers over his head. So normal and causal had gone spectacularly well. 

He texts Michael.

_Can I call you?_

Immediately his phone starts ringing.

“Hi Mikey,” he murmurs.

_What the fuck is going on with you?_

“I don’t know, it’s all a big fucking mess. We got drunk and it shouldn’t have happened. I tried to pretend it didn’t and now he won’t even talk to me.”

_Luke, look, I know I was wary of Calum in the beginning, but everything you’ve told me about him signifies he is not like Dan at all. Why are you pushing him away so adamantly?_

“Because it’s not like I can actually be with him!” Luke says frustratedly.

_I know that. But what’s stopping you from enjoying the time you’ve got with him instead of keeping him at arm's length?_

“I’m scared,” Luke says quietly. “I’m scared how much I like him and that he doesn’t like me, and I’m even more scared if he _does_ like me about how much it’s going to hurt when he leaves like everyone else does.”

_Oh, Lukey_

“I know it’s, stupid.”

_I understand. I do. You’ve been fucked around. But think about how it would feel coming home knowing you spent the rest of the trip like this with Calum, versus how it would feel knowing that you actually made the most of it?_

“I hate this,” Luke mumbles

_I know, but you’ve been wanting to do this trip for so long, please don’t let this be the defining moment of it._

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

Luke is woken up the next morning by a message from Calum.

_Do you want to get breakfast?_

Luke’s heart leaps at the potential olive branch that the text seems to be.

_Yeah, give me ten mins?_

_Sure x_

Luke tries not to read too much into the kiss and quickly showers and gets dressed, he doesn’t want to spend any more time in the motel room than is necessary, it is particularly bleak especially in the light of day. He’d spent the rest of the day sulking in the lumpy bed, and after hearing nothing from Calum, had decided to go to sleep at eight p.m. without eating dinner, (mainly because he didn’t know how he was supposed to _get_ dinner when he couldn’t drive the car) so now he was ravenous.

He leaves his room and heads down to the car. He sees Calum leaning against it, legs crossed at the ankles and sunglasses on, his face tipped up to the sun, and Luke can’t help thinking just how fucking gorgeous he is.

“Hey,” Luke says, with a smile, announcing his arrival.

“Hey,” Calum says with a smile of his own, looking at Luke over the top of his sunglasses. “Shall we go, this place is the pits isn’t it?”

“Yes, please,” Luke says with a laugh, and the tight feeling in his chest loosens slightly at the sight of Calum’s smile, his stomach pausing its twisting around at the lightness of his tone.

They stop in a diner not far away and both eat their way through a disgusting amount of food and drink their way through an even more disgusting volume of coffee.

“So I’ve found somewhere we can stay just outside Yosemite,” Calum says after swallowing his last mouthful of potatoes. “I think we stay for two nights, before going to Lake Tahoe? 

Luke chews on his pancakes, feeling a small amount of relief that Calum isn’t turning around and telling him that he wants to finish his trip without Luke. He doesn’t know where that leaves them, but as he’d been the one to avoid the conversation after Vegas in the first place, he’s not sure he’s in any position to start asking questions now.

“Sounds good to me,” Luke says. “That the plan for today then?”

“Yeah,” Calum says, pushing his plate away from him slightly. “It’ll take a few hours to get there but then maybe we can do an afternoon in Yosemite? I think there are a lake and a waterfall only fifty minutes or so from where we can stay.”

“Perfect,” Luke says with a smile. Calum returns it and holds his mug towards Luke, raising one eyebrow. Luke laughs and taps his own mug against Calum’s.

The conversation picks up again slowly as they do the drive towards Yosemite, it's tentative at first, mainly because still neither of them really know where they stand, but they can’t help but fall back into their normal banter when it's been the biggest part of their trip so far. By the time they’re pulling into the car park that’s close to the lake Calum was referring to three hours later, it almost feels like they’re back to normal. Or whatever normal is between the two of them.

They spend the afternoon hiking and swimming. Yosemite is another part of California that seems completely different from everywhere else, its own magical fantasy land of green forests and waterfalls. Luke’s never really considered himself really outdoorsy, a true city boy at heart, but places like this, with the sun filtering through the trees and bouncing off the water in glimmering reflects, and the background of the rushing waterfall and the birds up above, might just change his mind.

It’s late afternoon when they find themselves sitting on a rock next to a waterfall, after pulling themselves out of the small pools they’d been splashing around in. The sun is still up but it’s just turning that slightly warmer shade of yellow, making everything gleam a little bit more golden. Luke looks over at Calum who’s already looking at him, his head tipped to one side and a small smile on his lips and Luke suddenly becomes aware of how close they’re sitting and how close Calum is to him.

Luke can’t help it, with Michael’s words running through his head, he leans in to press a soft and damp kiss onto Calum’s lips. Calum inhales underneath his mouth slightly before pulling away.

“Fucking _hell_ , Luke,” he says, running his hands through his wet curls. “You’re such a head fuck, what are you playing at?”

“I’m sorry,” Luke says, and he means it.

“No, you can’t just…” Calum stops and makes a noise of frustration before words start tumbling out of his mouth. “You can’t fucking flirt with me and then pull away, flirt with me and leave me in a club on my own, flirt with me _again,_ spend all night cuddling me, give me the silent treatment because of it, let me fuck you, enthusiastically might I add, pretend nothing happened and then kiss me again?” 

“I’m confused,” Luke protests. “You’re fucking confusing!”

“ _I’m_ confusing?” Calum exclaims. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” 

“Yes, you’re fucking confusing!” Luke says, and all of his thoughts and feelings come rising up inside him, everything he’s been bottling up for three weeks. “ _You_ flirt with _me_ , and then tell me you’re in love with someone else, you basically tell me we’re on a date and then you nearly fuck someone else, you act like you like me but I know you don’t!”

There’s a long pause after Luke’s words and he breathes heavily as he looks steadfastly at the waterfall. 

“You don’t know that,” Calum says.

“What?” Luke asks, head snapping towards Calum, he’s not sure he’s actually heard the words that have come out of Calum’s mouth.

“Luke,” Calum says with a grim laugh. “Seriously?”

“You’re in love with your friend!” Luke says, his brain still working on what Calum’s just said to him.

“I _was_ in love with my friend,” Calum says. “But that's not even the point, Jesus Christ, Luke, how can you think I don’t like you? I’ve been fucking trying to make moves on you for weeks!”

“You brought someone else back to our Airbnb!” Luke says, he can’t quite believe what’s happening right now, so goes back on the defensive.

“I was drunk!” Calum says. “I know it was fucking stupid but I was drunk, and I was fucking pissed off, you nearly kissed me and then decided to abandon me. I didn’t actually want that other guy, I wanted you! Why do you think I didn’t go through with it?”

“You wanted me?” Luke asks, stilted.

“I’ve fucking wanted you since I met you, fucking hell!” Calum says. “And every time I think you might want me you fucking leave or shut me out or—” 

Luke stops Calum’s sentence there, by kissing him again. Hard. He slides his hands into Calum’s hair and pulls back an inch to look Calum in the eyes.

“I want you, I’ve wanted you since you walked over to me at the airport,” Luke says almost into Calum’s mouth. Calum makes a noise and presses back against him, kissing him back forcefully.

Calum drags his mouth away with a gasp a minute later. “So why have you been acting like that?”

“Because _this_ is a bad idea,” Luke says, not letting go of where his hands are cradling Calum’s head. “This can’t be a thing.”

Calum leans back in to kiss him again. “Why not?”

“You live in Australia, dickhead,” Luke says and kisses Calum again. Calum’s hands slide around the back of Luke’s shoulders, one hand brushing the back of Luke’s neck. 

“Can it be a thing for right now?” Calum asks, and his hand comes up to stroke down Luke’s face, his thumb swiping over Luke’s bottom lip. 

“This is still a bad idea,” Luke says, kissing Calum’s thumb.

Calum grins at him before pressing his lips back against Luke’s. 

They stay on that rock exchanging kisses until the sun is definitely setting and they're both shivering, and Luke leads them back down to where they’d left their stuff, stuffing their limbs into clothes before heading back to the car. As they walk back, Luke slips his cold hand into Calum’s, and Calum grips onto it tightly. Calum drives them to their Airbnb just outside Yosemite, with Luke’s hand in his own over the console the whole time, which is stupid and impractical, but Luke can’t help smiling into the collar of his sweatshirt the whole trip anyway. 

“We flipping a coin for the bed then?” Luke asks as they get to their Airbnb. Calum unlocking the door and letting them into the small but cosy space.

Calum turns around to look at Luke disbelievingly before he catches the smirk that Luke’s trying to hide on his face.

“You little shit,” Calum says. “Come here.”

Luke drops his bag on the floor and walks towards Calum, who grabs onto his wrists and starts pulling him towards the bedroom. 

Luke laughs. “Someone’s eager.”

Calum gets into the room and crowds Luke up against the door, stretching the collar of Luke’s sweatshirt so he can start kissing along Luke’s collarbone. “It’s all I’ve been able to think about since I last got my hands on you.”

“Fuck, Calum,” Luke murmurs, as Calum slowly starts divesting him of his clothes. 

“Glad I get to do it properly this time,” Calum says, kissing Luke softly before pulling him towards the bed.

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

This time when Luke wakes up with his head on Calum’s chest it’s with a significant amount less regret. His head still is going a million miles an hour about what this really means for the two of them, but this time around he’s got no real desire to roll away from Calum. He relishes the expanse of bare skin pressed against him, the movement up and down of Calum’s chest, and Calum’s fingers lightly stroking over his arms and shoulders gently as he wakes up.

“Hey,” he hears Calum say from above him and Luke smiles into Calum’s skin at that morning voice that he loves so much. 

“Hi,” Luke says, pressing kisses into Calum’s skin, across his chest, over as much skin as he can reach without moving his body.

“Mm, you’re touchy this morning,” Calum says, circling his arms around Luke tighter. “What should we do today?”

Luke rolls himself almost fully on top of Calum and starts kissing up his neck, it's like now he’s allowed to touch and kiss him, he can’t bring himself to stop. 

“I have an idea,” Luke says across Calum’s skin before sucking at his neck slightly.

“Oh yeah,” Calum says, making a pleased noise and stretching his neck to give Luke better access.

“What do you think?” Luke says, lightly biting at Calum’s jaw. 

“I suppose I could be persuaded,” Calum says with a grin, flipping them over and pressing Luke down into the mattress.

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

“Okay but seriously, what should we do today?” Calum says sometime later, as he’s sprawled naked on top of the quilt, Luke resting his head on his stomach and Calum picking through his hair, detangling it with his long fingers. Luke turns his head to look at Calum. 

“You mean you want to do something else?” he asks cheekily.

Calum reaches down to pinch Luke’s nipple in a decidedly sharp and not sexy way and Luke squeaks and bats his hand away.

“We are just outside Yosemite National Park, one of the most beautiful areas of the world and you want to spend the day fucking?” Calum asks, with a grin. 

“Hey, I’m not the one that showed up on this trip with a fuck-ton of condoms,” Luke says, laughing, before turning his head to nuzzle his nose into Calum’s stomach.

“Well, maybe you should be grateful that I did,” Calum says airily. “You’re the one benefiting.”

Luke snorts into Calum’s skin. “Fair,” he says. “Let’s go explore some more then, but I don’t want to do too much hiking.”

“Lazy,” Calum says.

Luke turns over and props himself up on an elbow. “You’re the one who’s worn me out,” he says with a smirk. “I’m going to shower.”

He gets up and stretches, and Calum gives him a long look up and down

“Can I come?” Calum asks with an innocent smile on his face. 

“Do you want to actually leave the apartment today?” Luke quips back as he moves towards the door to the bathroom.

“I’ll take my chances,” Calum says as he follows him with a grin. 

They do finally make it out and drive into Yosemite Valley, so they can spend a quiet day wandering around the museum and the other shops in the Valley before going around one of the shorter trails around the Lower Yosemite Falls. It still takes them a couple of hours, but Luke thinks it’s worth it when they stand watching Yosemite Falls, the water crashing down next to them as the sun beats down upon them.

Things felt completely different with Calum now, but also exactly the same as they had always been. They banter in the same way, except now it was layered with a heavy undercurrent of flirting (so really not _that_ much different to how it had been before), and also Calum reaches out to touch Luke whenever he can, with an arm slung around his shoulders (okay, that was the same as before too), but something is different. 

Maybe it’s the way that Calum smiles at him, wider than ever, or maybe it’s just the way Luke feels like he’s walking on air, floating through clouds, being warmed by the sun from the inside out. 

All of this wasn’t exactly ideal, as he only had five days left with Calum, but he doesn’t really want to think about that, and it's pretty easy to forget when Calum is stood next to him, slipping his hand into Luke’s, and smiling at him like they’ve got all the time in the world. 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

Luke had forgotten to text Michael for the last couple of days, too wrapped up in Calum, and so when he wakes up the next morning, he’s got a ream of them. He replies to them as Calum goes to shower.

_Look I was leaving you to figure out your shit_

_But this is like being left on a cliffhanger on a season finale_

_What’s going on, please?_

_Or let me know you’re okay at least_

_What if Calum’s playing the long game and this is the point that he murders you?_

_Point being_

_Text me fucker_

Luke laughs and thinks a second before replying.

_Sorry sorry_

_I’m alive_

_I took your points on board_

_Luke!_

_Thank fuck for that_

_Oh what does that mean?_

_Did you fuck again?_

_Yes_

_!!!!!_

_Was it good again?_

_Which time?_

_!!!!!_

_I’d say call me again but seems all your free time is taken up nowadays_

_Are you happy?_

_Very much so_

_For now_

_Shhhhhh_

He and Calum leave Yosemite later that morning, and Luke can’t quite believe that when they got here he and Calum were barely speaking and now they can barely get out the door because Calum won’t stop kissing him long enough for him to put on a T-shirt. 

“Calum,” Luke says but it is muffled by Calum’s lips. “I need to get dressed.”

“No clothes,” Calum says. “Only kiss.”

Luke laughs and tears his face away from Calum so he can slip his T-shirt on. 

“You’re the one that needs to drive four hours today, babe,” Luke says. He flushes slightly at the nickname, but Calum just grins at him and uses the hem of his T-shirt to haul him in for another quick kiss.

“Fine, get your stuff, let’s get this show on the road,” he winks at Luke and then leaves the room.

Luke shakes his head and fishes out some socks to pull on, before shouldering his bag and heading out after Calum. 

In the past three weeks, Luke has been driven down the Pacific Coast Highway, through Joshua Tree, Death Valley and up through Yosemite, but this drive from Yosemite from Lake Tahoe might be his favourite one yet.

The scenery is beautiful, of course, but this drive includes holding hands with Calum most of the time, him leaning over to kiss him when they have to stop at a stoplight, and Luke shifting into park or reverse for Calum every time they pull in somewhere to stop. Luke feels like he’s singing even louder to every song on the playlist and wants to scoff at himself that he’s having the road trip experience that seems to be the subject of most of these songs.

Luke books somewhere for them to stay on the way to South Lake Tahoe, where they’re planning to stay for the next two days.

“I think we should go out tonight,” Calum says as he drives.

“What, why?” Luke snorts.

“I think it would be fun!” Calum says. “Staying two nights somewhere means I don’t have to worry about driving the next day.”

“Yeah like our last attempts at nights out have been successful,” Luke says, rolling his eyes.

“Well, I enjoyed both of them actually,” Calum says, still looking at the road but grinning.

“Oh really,” Luke says. “Tell me more about you enjoying bringing that other man back to our Airbnb, please.”

“You know what I meant, don’t be a drama queen,” Calum says. “I enjoyed it up until the point you had a strop and left me in a random Los Angeles club.”

“Now who’s being a drama queen,” Luke says, detangling his hand from Calum’s so he can flick his arm.

“Fuck off, I’m driving,” Calum says, grabbing Luke’s hand again and flashing him a grin. “Maybe I wanna take you out. Let's get dinner and then get pissed and dance.”

“Calum, if you’re asking me on a date, your technique is shit,” Luke says, laughing. 

“Luke, I think you’ll find we’ve been on a three-week date,” Calum says. “Probably the best date of all time if you ask me.” 

Luke laughs loudly. “Fair enough, road trip pal.”

Calum starts laughing too. “Also maybe I’m just trying to create an opportunity for you to wear the leather pants again so I can appreciate them properly.”

Luke smirks. “I feel like you appreciated them last time.”

“I did, Leather Luke,” Calum says with a wink. “But this time I’d like to properly appreciate them. Mainly by taking them off you at the end of the night.”

Luke can’t help but blush and bite his lip at Calum’s words. “What a line, you fucking charmer.”

“That’s me, babe,” Calum says, squeezing Luke’s hand and grinning wide. 

They get to South Lake Tahoe in the middle of the afternoon and have a quick wander around the city before going back to their apartment to get ready. They decide and book somewhere to eat, and look up some potential bars they can go to after as they slump on each other on the sofa.

Luke shakes his head at himself but he makes a special effort when he gets ready that night. He puts on the leather trousers as requested, and pairs it with an oversized white shirt that he found at the bottom of his bag that he’s also had no occasion to wear yet. He unbuttons the shirt a bit too low, and drapes one of his thicker chains around his neck, before actually making an effort to tame his hair, tucking one side behind his ear and letting the rest of it curl down onto his neck and onto his forehead in the front. 

He looks at himself in the mirror and grins, he can’t deny it feels good to be a bit put together and it also feels good to be going on a date, regardless of the ridiculous circumstances that said date is in. 

He goes back into the living space where Calum is playing music and humming along in the small kitchen area as he opens a couple of beers for the two of them, and he doesn’t notice Luke straight away so he takes a moment to look at Calum whilst he’s distracted.

He’s looking more gorgeous than ever, tight black jeans and a black polka dot shirt with the sleeves rolled up to display the wrists and hands that Luke cannot stop thinking about, and his hair curling softly onto his forehead. But more than that it’s the way he bobs his head to the music with a half-smile on his face, singing along to the lyrics quietly and the warm look in his eyes.

Calum turns around as he dances and sees Luke leaning up against the door frame into the living space. When he sees Luke he stops, and seems to nearly drop the beers in his hands.

He gives Luke a long lingering look up and down, and Luke almost shivers at the look in his gaze.

“Fucking hell,” Calum says.

“Shut the fuck up,” Luke says with a laugh, coming into the room and plucking one of the beers out of Calum’s hand.

“I thought I was prepared after last time but I forgot exactly how you looked in those pants,” Calum says, and he comes right up to Luke, sliding a hand around to grab his arse.

Luke squeaks and laughs again, reaching up to hold Calum’s head in his hands and press a long kiss to his lips. 

“Behave, or we’re not going to make it on your precious night out,” Luke says, grinning, before stepping away and sitting on the sofa. 

“Maybe I’m not so bothered about it anymore,” Calum says, still staring Luke up and down with heat in his eyes, coming over and sitting himself in Luke’s lap, thighs on either side of his legs. 

Calum pushes his hands into Luke’s hair and moves his head down to kiss Luke’s lips before travelling down Luke’s jaw and neck, pulling his shirt aside to get at his collarbone. 

Luke’s losing track of what exactly their plan even is with Calum in his lap and his lips on his neck but manages to work his brain enough to pull Calum’s head back slightly.

“I was promised a date,” Luke says with a small smile, pecking Calum on the lips. “So I want a date.”

Calum drops his head to Luke’s shoulder and groans. “Okay, princess, let’s go then.”

Luke makes a noise of protest and pushes Calum off his lap, Calum stands up next to him and gives him a smirk.

“I’m not a princess,” Luke says grumpily as Calum pulls Luke to his feet. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Calum says.

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

Luke can’t stop smirking at Calum whilst he’s sat opposite him in a fairly fancy restaurant, as they sip wine and eat good food.

“What are you smiling at?” Calum asks him.

“This is fucking weird,” Luke says snorting. “I feel like I should be eating pizza on the beach or stuffing my face with pancakes in a bad diner.”

Calum laughs. “Do you want me to start eating with my hands or sit on the floor or something?”

Luke laughs. “No, you’re fine,” he says. “I kind of like it.”

“I kind of like it too,” Calum says. 

Luke decided early on that this evening he was going to try to stop his brain catastrophising about being with Calum to make the most of the time he’s got with him, and for the most part it works. It works even better when he’s sat in a bar with Calum a couple of hours later, getting progressively drunker.

They exchange stories about some of their more ridiculous moments and Luke loves still discovering more pieces about Calum. Logically he knows he can’t possibly know everything about him, he only met him three weeks ago, but it still comes as a delight when he learns something he didn’t know before.

“You were almost a professional footballer?” Luke asks disbelievingly.

“Almost is probably going a bit far,” Calum says with a grin. “I just went to a summer camp in Brazil.”

“And you ended up working in a bar?” Luke says. “What happened?”

“Oi, less of that, don’t be a cunt,” Calum says loudly, and Luke laughs as the people on the table next to them look at Calum with outrage.

“I’m sorry,” Luke says biting his lip. “What can I do to make it up to you?”

Calum leans forward over the table towards Luke, sliding his calf up Luke’s leg and looking at him under his eyelashes. Luke’s breath hitches slightly.

“Show me one of your old Youtube videos,” Calum murmurs before leaning back with a smirk. 

Luke kicks Calum under the table as he laughs loudly. “You fucker.”

By the time he and Calum make it out of the bar, it's very late and they are both very drunk. They head to the club they’d found earlier, basically hanging off each other, laughing far too loudly in the night air.

“Shhh,” Luke shushes Calum as they get on the street where the club is. “They’ll turn us away for being too drunk.” 

Calum giggles which makes Luke giggle too before he elbows Calum and they both straighten up to approach the doorman. Luckily they get through with just a roll of his eyes and Calum grins in delight, tugging Luke towards the bar where they get more drinks they don’t really need before heading onto the dance floor. 

Luke goes out a fair bit in London with his friends, but generally clubs aren’t really his favourite place. Apart from right here, in a slightly tacky club in South Lake Tahoe with tequila running through his veins, lights and music swelling around him and Calum pressed up against him. 

He barely lets Luke out of his grip for the rest of the night, and Luke is content to stay there, wrapped up in Calum, moving to the beat slightly and everything else fading into a syrupy haze around him. He feels like he could stay here forever in this dream-like state, feeling slightly out of touch with reality in the best way. Calum feels like the only tangible thing to him, warm and solid under his hands and lips. 

He’s not sure how long they’re there for but some indeterminable amount of time later he hears Calum whisper in his ear, “shall we go?” and he nods in response, smiling at Calum.

He lets Calum slowly pull him out of the club and onto the street. They’re close to Lakeside Beach and Luke realises with some surprise, with the very slight glow of the sky that it’s nearly sunrise.

He looks at Calum who’s already looking towards the lake with a glimmering look in his eyes and already knows what he’s thinking.

“You feel up for staying up a bit longer?” Calum asks Luke quietly.

“I reckon so,” Luke says, returning his smile.

They wander slowly towards the beach, stopping at a taqueria on the way that’s still open by some miracle, as it’s been about eight hours since they ate dinner in that fancy restaurant. 

They take their tacos to the beach in a box, giggling again as they pull off their shoes and go onto the beach. It’s pretty cold at this point, Luke always being surprised by the way the temperature drops at night, but he just pulls his jacket tighter around him, holding both his boots in one hand so he can hold Calum’s hand with the other. 

They sit down on the beach, Calum dragging Luke between his legs so Luke can rest his back against Calum’s chest.

“I can’t believe I’m sitting on the beach in leather trousers,” Luke says with a laugh.

“You could take them off?” Calum says, taking a bite of a taco over Luke’s shoulder.

“Watch it,” Luke reprimands. “And I’m pretty sure it’s less than ten degrees celsius, I’m not taking my trousers off.”

“That’s a shame,” Calum says around a mouthful of carnitas. 

Luke elbows him in the stomach from his vantage point, and picks a taco out of the box next to them, shoving it in his mouth and trying not to drop food on his white shirt, although he’s pretty sure he looks a mess by now anyway. 

He’s cold, especially since the alcohol is wearing off and he’s sobering up rapidly, but he’s surviving with the heat of Calum pressed along his back, and once they finish eating, he leans his head back to tuck it into Calum’s neck, rubbing his cold nose against Calum’s skin.

“You’ve got the cutest nose,” Calum whispers into Luke’s hair and Luke smiles.

“My nose?” he asks. “Is that what you notice about me?”

“I notice everything about you,” Calum says quietly. “Your huge shoulders, the length of your legs, the way your hair curls.” Calum brushes his fingers over Luke’s shoulders, across his thigh and through his hair. 

“The way your eyes are the colour of the Pacific Ocean, the way you push your hands through your hair when you’re stressed, how you bite your lip when you don’t know what to say and the way you look away when you’re trying to hide a blush,” Calum continues, stroking a thumb over Luke’s cheek and pressing a kiss into his hair.

“I’ve been watching you for weeks, Luke,” Calum says. “I see you when I close my eyes, when I sleep, in my dreams.”

Luke’s heart does something that he’s not sure it’s ever done before at Calum’s words, and he doesn’t really know how to respond, so just pushes his face further into Calum’s skin, pressing kisses where he can reach. 

“You’re really something,” he murmurs.

“No, that’s you, London Luke.”

Luke just smiles in response. “I don’t want to go home,” Luke says quietly.

“Let’s not talk about it,” Calum responds, smoothing a hand through Luke’s hair.

They sit in the quiet as the sun starts to peek over the mountains, casting the sky in the most amazing pinks and oranges and reds, and it feels something like what’s happening inside Luke’s chest, something warm and golden and bright, spreading from the point where his heart is, across the sky of his chest, down his fingers and up his neck, until he’s filled with something shimmering and gold as the sky becomes bright and Calum tightens his arms around him.

By the time they get back to their Airbnb, it’s nearly seven a.m., and Luke is so tired he’s not sure if he can stand up much longer. Calum stumbles into the bedroom alongside him and starts helping him pull off his clothes. Calum pulls him to sit on the edge of the bed and kneels down so he can pull off Luke’s boots, before helping him off with his trousers. 

“When I visualised taking off your pants, it looked a bit different to this,” Calum says with a small tired smile of his own. 

“Sorry,” Luke offers as he attempts to shrug out of his shirt with his eyes closed.

“Don’t be fucking stupid,” Calum says finally managing to peel Luke’s trousers off his legs before pulling off his own jeans and tossing them in a corner, unbuttoning his shirt quickly to throw it to join them. He gets on the bed and gently pulls Luke up towards him, dragging them both under the quilt.

Luke lets himself be manhandled into position, curling into Calum when he’s able and closing his eyes immediately. He drifts off with Calum still pressing kisses into his hair. 

They don’t wake up until nearly three p.m. the next day, the afternoon sun streaming in through the window. Luke wakes up slowly and kisses Calum’s skin until he wakes up too with a lazy smile. They have slow morning (afternoon) sex, Luke touching and mapping out Calum’s body over and underneath him before showering and heading back into the city for something to eat. Luke watches Calum as they eat pizza and sip water and thinks dangerously that he could get used to this life. Which is a life that’s not his. 

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

They leave Lake Tahoe the next day to drive to Sacramento. Luke feels with each place they leave, the more he wants to stay, which is probably more to do with the time passing than anything. Every minute with Calum feels like water slipping through his fingers, that he’s trying desperately to keep in his grasp but he can’t as it slowly streams through, running away from him down the roads that pass underneath them as they speed along. They don’t discuss the fact that they’re leaving in two days, it's all Luke’s thinking about but he can’t seem to talk about it, like somehow that will make it more real.

Luke knows he’s distracted as they go around Sacramento Old Town. They go to a couple of museums and around the state park, but Luke feels like he barely sees it. He’s annoyed at himself because he’s getting dangerously close to his last few hours with Calum and he’s so far inside his own head that he’s losing that time. Calum just smiles at him as always, takes his hand and doesn’t push him. 

Luke realises sometime around mid-afternoon as they drink coffee outside the Capitol building, that he thinks he might be falling in love with Calum. And he’s not even panicking when he thinks about it, more of an acceptance of something that’s been growing in him for the last four weeks. He sips his latte and watches Calum, in what is a fucking terrible situation, but also the best he’s ever felt. 

They spend a quiet night going for dinner and going back to their Airbnb early, Luke lying on the sofa on his back with Calum lying almost entirely on top of him, Luke playing with Calum’s hair and Calum scratching his fingers along Luke’s chest.

“Have you got money left?” Calum asks him.

“Yeah, a bit,” Luke replies. “Why?”

“I think we should do another wine tour,” Calum says with a smile up at Luke. “If we’re staying in Napa Valley tomorrow, we probably ought to.”

“What?” Luke asks with a laugh. “Really?”

“What better way to end our trip?” Calum says. “Than one of the first things we did? I had a great time that day.”

Luke thinks back to their first wine tour almost three weeks ago, how it had felt with Calum under the Santa Maria sun, and returns Calum’s smile.

“Okay, let’s do it.”

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

The feeling of drinking wine with Calum in the Californian sun has the same kind of magic that it did the first time. Except it's worse and better in every way.

It’s better because the flirty smiles are followed up with quick kisses when people aren’t looking, the long looks come along with a handhold or a gripped waist, the laughs are freer and louder and Luke loves every second.

It’s a thousand times worse because the first time he had three weeks to go with Calum, and now he has twenty-four, twenty-three, twenty-two hours twenty-one hours.

They don’t get anywhere near as drunk as last time, just pleasantly tipsy and travel back to the apartment early evening. They again share a bottle of wine outside the front of their building that night, Luke not letting them drink from glasses so they’re true to the first time they did this, passing the bottle between them and talking about their favourite moments of the trip.

“I mean, the sunrise at Lake Tahoe,” Luke says. “Not much can compare to that right?”

“Mm I don’t know, Yosemite is up there for me,” Calum says. “When you kissed me and you meant it.”

“I always meant it,” Luke says quietly. “Your hated Disney day is one of my faves.” 

Calum laughs. “Vegas will always have a place in my heart,” Calum says cheekily, and Luke rolls his eyes. “Or maybe San Francisco.”

“That feels like decades ago,” Luke says, turning his face up to look at the sky. 

“So, London Luke,” Calum says. “Do you feel like you got what you wanted out of this trip? Do you feel like you found yourself?”

Luke laughs and looks at Calum. “I’m not sure,” he says. “I definitely found something.”

Calum smiles at him warmly and leans in to press a soft kiss to Luke’s lips in lieu of a response.

“I don’t want to leave you,” Luke says quietly as Calum pulls away, speaking the words he’s been keeping at the tip of his tongue for weeks.

“Luke,” Calum says quietly.

“No, it’s not fair,” Luke says. “I want to be with you, and it’s not fair.”

“I know,” Calum says, and takes a deep breath, but before he can say anything else, his phone starts buzzing. Calum frowns and looks down at the screen. “It’s Mali, do you mind if I just tell her I’m okay?”

“No, go ahead.”

Calum smiles at him gratefully and heads inside the apartment. “Hey, Mali.”

Luke sits in the cool night air, breathing deeply for a moment, thinking about all the favourite moments he’s had that have made up the last four weeks. He goes to take a sip from the bottle of wine and realises it's empty. He thinks that he’s maybe not ready to call it a night with Calum outside in the cooling air yet so gets up to go into the apartment, thinking Calum is probably taking his call in the bedroom.

He gets into the doorway when he hears Calum talking in a frustrated tone, and pauses with the door half-open, knowing he shouldn't really listen but not being able to stop himself.

“No I haven’t told him yet,” Calum says into his phone as he paces up and down.

“I don’t know, Mali, how am I supposed to tell him now?”

“Yeah, and how would that go, ‘I’ve been acting like we’re never going to see you again but actually I’m moving to the city where you live in September’?”

Luke thinks he hears himself gasp and unintentionally drops the wine bottle. Calum whirls around at the sound, blinking at Luke in the doorway. There’s a long pause.

“Mali I need to go,” Calum says quietly into the phone, not taking his eyes off Luke. “Love you, bye.”

Luke opens and closes his mouth.

“I need to tell you something,” Calum says.

“What?” Luke says.

“My new job’s in London,” Calum says, brushing a hand through his hair. “The one I was talking about.”

“What?” Luke says again, mind whirring.

“I’m moving to London in a few months?” Calum says like it's a question.

Luke doesn’t say anything, he’s too busy trying to process the information that he’s been given which tilts everything that he’s been thinking and believing on its axis. Calum wasn’t going back to Sydney forever, he was going to be in the same city as Luke. 

“Luke?”

“Why didn’t you?” Luke starts. “Say anything?”

“I didn’t know if I was going to take it,” Calum says, sighing. “I didn’t want to say unless I was actually going to move. But I decided that I did want to move, I did want the job.”

“You didn’t tell me because you wanted this to be a summer thing,” Luke says flatly, his mind shifting into flight or fight and that being the only conclusion he can come up with.

“No, Luke, that’s not it,” Calum says, panic seeping into his tone. “For ages I didn’t think you even liked me, and then I wasn’t sure if you actually wanted anything, with your last relationship and everything.”

“What the fuck?” Luke says. “Don’t put this on me!” He can feel his voice rising without him meaning to. “You’ve let me be miserable that we’re going to be ten thousand miles apart whilst knowing that you’re supposed to be moving to be in the same city as me?”

“It’s not like that,” Calum says, eyes pleading, taking a step towards Luke.

“Is it not?” Luke asks, slightly hysterical. “Because from where I’m standing you seem to be happy to act like this with me, kiss me, fuck me, but had no intention of being with me?”

“No, no,” Calum says and Luke can hear him getting frustrated. “I want to be with you, that’s why I’m telling you!”

“Yeah, less than eighteen hours before we leave?” Luke almost shouts. “You weren’t even fucking planning to tell me! I heard you!”

“I was!” Calum says. “I just didn’t know how!”

“You didn’t want to take this past California,” Luke says and he hates how his voice wavers. “You were going to let me leave and not say anything.”

“Luke, no,” Calum says, looking desperate and taking another step towards Luke. “I lo—”

“Don’t fucking say it,” Luke interrupts him stepping backwards as if physically recoiling from Calum’s words. “Don’t you fucking dare stand there and say that.”

“Luke—”

“Fuck off Calum, please,” Luke says. “Just… don’t.” He pushes past Calum to go into the bedroom without looking at him. 

Luke curls up in the centre of the bed on top of the quilt and feels the tears start to come out of his eyes. He was fucking in love with Calum, and Calum just saw him as a fucking summer romance or a fling or some shit, someone to dump at the end of their trip and never see again.

He pulls out his phone and texts Michael even though he knows it's too late for him to see it.

_Turns out Calum is moving to London_

_He’s known this whole time and he never told me_

_Why do I always fall for the ones that turn out to be dickheads_

Luke eventually cries himself out and falls asleep, Calum doesn’t try to join him in the bedroom and he’s not sure if he’s grateful or upset about it. He wakes up the next morning filled with dread, his eyes sore and puffy and his stomach empty. He sits up and drags his hands through his hair, pulling it back and tying it up before sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. He checks his phone to see messages from Michael.

_I don’t understand, isn’t this a good thing, now you can be together?_

_Don’t be a drama queen about this_

He’s an absolute mess, feels a mess, and all he can think about now is that he desperately wants to be at home, in London, in his own bed. But to get there, he’s got to get back in the car with Calum for two more hours to get to the airport, and there’s not much on this earth that he’d rather do less right now. 

He grits his teeth and changes into comfier clothes for the flight, before taking a deep breath and going back into the living room. 

Calum is sitting on the sofa in a hoodie with the hood up, fully dressed and passing his phone between his hands. He looks up as Luke enters the room and Luke thinks he looks as awful as he probably does, puffy eyes and dark circles, face pale.

“Hi,” he says to Luke quietly.

“Morning,” Luke says stiffly.

Luke—” Calum starts.

“I don’t wanna talk,” Luke says. “Can we just. Can we just go to the airport please?”

“Okay,” Calum says quietly. “You got everything?”

“I think so,” Luke replies.

Calum nods at him and they both pick up all their bags and leave.

Luke and Calum have been in some excruciating car rides on this trip, and this one might be the worst of all. Luke spends the whole time looking out the window and not speaking a word to Calum. He replies to Michael.

_No Mikey you don’t understand, he knew and he didn’t tell me_

_He had no intention of telling me_

_He just wanted to fuck me and leave me behind_

Calum drives them to the car park to leave the car and Luke’s heart aches a little walking away from it, despite all the shit that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, that car had held maybe some of the best moments of his life so far, and a little part of his heart would stay with it. 

Luke stays with Calum to return the car, feeling he probably ought to, but just staying behind him silently the whole time. 

Afterwards, they find themselves outside the car rental place and Luke feels the sick irony of having to say goodbye to Calum in the place that he met him four weeks ago, everything different but as soon as they leave each other, everything the same as it had been. Luke’s flight was before Calum’s, so he was due to go through security soon whilst Calum would be hanging around for a few more hours before his flight in the evening.

"Should we figure out money?" Luke asks quietly. "I probably still owe you some for the car."

"Oh yeah," Calum says distractedly. "I've made a note of what you spent, I'll send you my details when I work it out?"

Luke nods and shoulders his bag. This was it. He takes a deep breath. 

“Bye, Calum,” he says quietly. “Thanks for… Well, thanks.”

“Luke,” Calum says, looking pained. “I know you don’t want to hear it but please, before you leave."

"Calum—"

No, I have to, please," Calum says with a desperate look in his eyes. Luke nods stiffly. "Luke, I want you, I want to be with you in London, I want to start my new life with you. Please don't leave it like this.”

He pauses and looks at Luke intensely. “I love you, or I’m falling in love with you, or something. I don’t know what it is but it's there and I feel it.”

“Calum,” Luke says, and he aches, aches for the man standing opposite him who he wants to be with so much, but he’d shown him those red flags that everyone was always telling him he shouldn’t ignore. He can't do it, he can't put himself on the line again. He shakes his head. “I’ve got to go, I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”

Calum looks like something in him cracks, but he nods and steps away from Luke.

“Safe flight,” he says.

Luke just nods and turns away, shouldering his bag and walking towards departures, joining the queue for security, but he knows his heart is still out the front of the airport with Calum.

He checks his phone to see Michael has replied.

_I don’t know the full story here_

_But to me it sounds like you’ve been given a chance to be with this guy that you like more than you’ve ever liked someone_

_Think before you let that go_

He thinks about Michael’s messages as he flexes his increasingly sweaty hands around the strap of his bag and thinks about the man standing outside the airport. The sweet man who had approached him and offered to drive him around a state without even knowing him, the man who had laughed with him, taught him to surf, talked to him in a way no one else had. The man he’d been more comfortable with than he’d ever remembered being. 

And the man that would literally be living in the same city as him in two months time. 

And, Jesus Christ, what the fuck was he doing?

He turns on his heel and starts jogging back the way he came, out of the front of the airport, heart beating fast. He casts his eyes up and down, looking for Calum, and sees with an almost laugh that he’s sat outside the front of a fucking Starbucks, a flat white in hand. Luke jogs up to him and stops, breathing heavily.

“Luke, what?” Calum says, blinking at him.

“I’m falling in love with you too,” Luke says breathlessly. 

“Luke?”

“I’ve been falling for you since you walked up to me and smiled in that stupid fucking beanie and we’ve both been fucking stupid for weeks but I’m falling for you and I want to take you on a date when you come to London.”

A slow smile spreads across Calum’s face, starting small but ending up face splitting, his eyes creasing in that way that Luke is so fond of. “Yeah?”

“Fuck, yes,” Luke says. “Come here please.”

Calum gets to his feet and Luke pulls him towards him, kissing him hard. Calum makes a noise into Luke’s mouth and sinks into him.

“Fuck I’ve really got to go,” Luke says, kissing Calum again quickly. 

“Go, go,” Calum says, kissing Luke again.

“Okay, fuck, bye,” Luke says, pulling away. “Text me.”

“See you soon, London Luke.”

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

Two Months Later

Luke looks at the arrivals board again to confirm that Calum’s flight landed twenty minutes ago even though he’s checked every two minutes since then. He bounces anxiously on his toes and stares at the arrivals gate despite knowing it will take him a while for Calum to get through, but that doesn't stop him literally vibrating with energy. He’d got a message from Calum already telling him he was on the ground, and another to say he was at baggage reclaim, so now he was just waiting for him to appear.

He’d spent the last two months talking to Calum non-stop, time differences making things difficult but them both getting up early and staying up late to catch Facetimes when they could, and all Luke could think about was when he would get to see him again. 

He’d also spent the last two months applying for publishing jobs, and he’d managed to secure a low-level job at one of them. Money was going to be extremely tight, but it's a foot in the door and he thinks it might be worth it. He knew California was going to be a life-changing trip, but he's not sure he counted on it being quite this life-changing. 

Luke starts seeing people come through the gate and he cranes his neck to see if he can catch a glimpse of Calum in amongst the crowd. 

And then he does.

Calum comes around the corner, pushing a trolley with three large suitcases on, looking exceptionally tired in a hoodie and joggers, but looking around with the same urgency as Luke. As soon as Calum spots Luke, he smiles wide, face splitting wide, and starts pushing his luggage towards Luke as Luke starts pushing people out his way to get to Calum. When Luke gets close he slams into him, and Calum instinctively lets go of the trolley to open his arms and catch Luke. 

“Hey,” Luke murmurs into Calum’s ear, pressing his face into Calum’s neck and inhaling deeply. He feels all those golden feelings of California come flooding back, the warmth from the Golden State, or maybe just Calum, flowing through his veins. 

Luke feels Calum laugh against his chest. “Hi,” he replies.

Luke steps back slightly but Calum holds onto his shoulders, looking at him in the eyes for half a second before hauling him back in to give Luke a kiss. Luke sighs and kisses back, licking into Calum’s mouth and holding the back of Calum’s head tightly, fingers deep in his curls. They kiss for longer than is probably suitable for Heathrow airport but Luke can’t really bring himself to care when he’s got Calum under his hands again.

They finally break away reluctantly after a long moment. 

“Couldn’t let go of your coffee to give me a proper welcome hm?” Calum asks with a grin, referring to the cup Luke’s had carefully clutched in his hand the whole time.

“Fuck off, it’s for you,” Luke says.

“What did you get me?” Calum asks with a delighted look.

“Flat white,” Luke says, handing over the cup. “What else?”

── ･ *. ☼ .* ･ ──

**Author's Note:**

> always love a comment, or come and yell about cake with me on [tumblr](https://kaleidoscopeminds.tumblr.com/)


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